Here am i...

A Burlando in Haiti

2012-02-11T13:32:00.002-06:00

I have been a lazy blogger. Life around here has been both busy and mundane so I haven't had much ambition to write. Our biggest event this past few weeks was that the man of the house was gone for 2 weeks. Me and the kids held down the fort at home while we gave the Dad of the house our blessing to go and work in Haiti. We survived without him...barely.

My parents have lived and worked there on and off for several years. Originally they were based out of Port au Prince but since the earth quake they have lived in Dessalines. Other than seeing occasional pictures we really weren't sure what life was like for them there or even what they really did.

My parents asked my Hubster (who works for them on their farm) if he would be willing to come to Haiti and share some of his cabinet making/ woodworking skills. He honestly wasn't all that eager.
We had just got back from Mexico, he wasn't keen on leaving his family for that long, and quite truthfully....we've heard Haiti isn't exactly a popular travel destination, but we decided it would be a good opportunity for him to go.

The trip turned out to be a great experience for him (I told him so..wink) and he thoroughly enjoyed his time there. He was full of stories when he got home. Since I wasn't the one experiencing it or doing the work I can't really write much about it. The pictures he took are pretty cool though , so I thought I'd share some.

My Dad with some neighbor kids. It's really hard to find a picture where most of them have clothes on. Kids often don't wear any....my boys would love it there.

This young husband and father works with my Dad on his projects. His wife and four kids stopped by the mission one day and Nathanael gave them each a toy. We barely left room for clothes in his suitcase with all the sundresses and toys we sent along (if I can't go...I at least have to send something). It looks like they got some new duds at some point too. This family lives in a typical mud hut and struggles like every other family. I think this family is gorgeous! Pictures like this give me hope.

Haiti is such a mix of beauty and suffering.

It was surprisingly expensive to rent a spot on the beach on Sunday afternoon.

Strangely enough, after all the terrifying scenarios I had run through my mind when sending my husband to Haiti, I didn't expect his run in with death to be at the beach. While he was swimming under water a Jet ski came buzzing through the roped off swim area at full speed. My Hubster heard a funny noise and popped his head out of the water just as the jet ski roared by his face. It actually skimmed his head. A few more inches and ...it would have been really bad. I'm very glad that my husbands head is still attached to his neck.

There were a lot of angry spectators and the guy was dealt with by the police.

Toll bridge anyone?

My Dad and a friend.

The dude that the city is named after.

The dude that builds stuff. He's kind of cute. These are some of the (unstained) cabinets that he built doors on during his two weeks there. These are in my parents kitchen. I suspect that they are happy to have cupboards to keep out the dust....although they probably won't last long with the termites. They build kitchens with as much cement and steel as possible. He built about 60 cabinet doors for various buildings during his stay.

Speaking of cute. This is a little girl I wish my husband could have packed home with him. She lives at the same orphanage that my Haitian sister has been living at. The teenage girls at the orphanage take on the mothering role for the babies and toddlers there. This has been my sister's side kick for nearly two years. It will be hard for them to separate I'm sure. She isn't "adoptable" though, even though she has no family, has been abandoned, and has always lived at an orphanage. I find that really sad that she is destined to grow up without a family. I wish adoption rules included more common sense.

My husband and a friend woodworking. He was telling me stories of this Haitian man and his twin brother. They are both built like ox. He said they can carry 3 x 100lb bags of cement on their heads. 300lbs!

A visit to the orphanage that has been my sisters home since the earthquake. She lives with my parents while they are in Haiti though (they come back to the farm in the spring). We are hoping she will be home in Canada with them soon. It's been 2 years of red tape and jumping through hoops already.

A typical home in Dessalines.

Apparently little boys are ninja warriors in other countries too.

A regular, and loud, cultural experience. A "ra-ra"

Lots of rice fields.

I'm conflicted because I find this both disturbing and funny.

They've got all the options covered if you get hurt.

Get in...you're mostly dead anyway.

A relic from the past.

Dessalines is surrounded by mountains that are speckled with old forts.

Ingenuity.

The kids liked seeing themselves in the view finder of the camera.

This tough old lady was quite impressed with seeing an image of herself in the camera. Chances are she's never seen herself in a picture...or maybe even mirror.

My husband, my parents and my littlest sister. So proud of each one of them.

Making Home

2012-01-30T21:59:00.002-06:00

I don't think people use the term "home maker" as a job description much anymore, it went out of style and has since become slightly archaic. I don't usually use the title to describe myself either but I do see home, and being the maker of it as a high calling. What is our home and what am I trying make?

Firstly, our home is a hub of never ending activity. This comes naturally. As a family of 6 people, with 4 children at home all day, it is bustling, bursting and brimming with conversations, questions, projects and creative mess. Our house is far from a show home with formal sitting rooms and carefully selected decor. Our home is lived in and it is lived in well. There is not a room in the house that does not scream "children live here!", or a space that is not utilized to it's fullest potential. Years ago, I took pride in neat perfection, carefully placed decorations that showcased my individuality and style....now I take pride in a sink full of dishes washed and 6 loads of clean laundry successfully put away.

Home is a place of learning. We have chosen to educate our kids in a family integrated , home based kind of way. We have a non conveyor belt educational philosophy that ensures our home is a messy one. My table is usually covered with notebooks, workbooks, a laptop and various crafting supplies. My bookshelves are crammed packed full of various novels, biographies, children's books, and classic literature. Our floor is covered with lego creations. My kitchen is full of little people learning how to make a salad and crack eggs into a frying pan. I have a model of the Nile Delta in my entry way growing grass as it is flooded each week. Each one of us is learning, discovering, and growing... from the toddler to the grownups in the house.

Home is a sanctuary. In a world that opposes, ridicules, and tears down, I want our home to be a place that encourages, edifies and builds up. In a world that is filled with deception and shallow flattery. I desire home to be a place where truth is spoken, hearts are opened and vulnerability isn't exploited. Successes are celebrated by us all. Even small victories like Cece using the potty is met with cheers, dancing and singing from her older siblings. Disappointments and hurts are shared among us all as we learn to serve and comfort each other.

Home is a place where a lot of mistakes are made and grace is given. No one in our home is above the need for regular repentance and forgiveness, including the grown ups in the house. Our kids hear us say "I'm sorry, will you forgive me" as they are taught how by example what humility, grace, and forgiveness looks like.

Home is a place that always has room at the table for one more. Our doors are open. Our hearts are open. If God brings us another little blessing we will joyfully squeeze in another bed. Our meals aren't fancy, our table is small, and our couch is second hand but we desire our home to be a place that embraces true hospitality. A place we can share warmth and welcome with others.

Our home is the place where our legacy begins. My treasure is not built in business, land, or bank accounts. My inheritance will not be something I leave for my children someday, it will be my children. I am investing in that legacy now. The futures of our children, our grand children, our great grandchildren are built or devastated by our priorities now, in this short season of motherhood. With each choice of selflessness, with each hard lesson learned, with each relationship nurtured, with each tender conversation, and reassuring hug I am building my inheritance. While other women appear to leave me in the dust aiming for corporate careers, grande personal endeavors, applause and appreciation, I smile and wait, because those things are not my prize. I have set my eyes on something that will take time, so I will rock my babies. I will teach my children. I will enjoy the people they are becoming. Someday when the rest of those efforts are nothing but dust and rubble, my treasures will live on.

Our home is a place where Jesus is celebrated and our mission begins. Faith is not just something we tack onto a long to-do list. It is not a compartment to fill, a balance to keep, or a list of rules to follow...it is our life. We desire to live out the gospel both in word and in deed in front of our children, as we are transformed and regenerated. In our home the Bible is opened. It is studied, talked about, absorbed, and applied. Prayers are uttered. Gratitude is given. Jesus is king.

So, if you come to my home you might notice that the floor needs to be washed, and there are baskets of laundry waiting to be conquered. I might have to warn you to enter the bathroom at your own risk.
You will never want to look under our couch cushions, or inside the closet that all 4 of my children share. You might even critique that the tv is on too much, and there is frozen pizza in the oven for dinner. I may confess to you that I have nagging parental insecurity and fears. You will see that we are so very far from perfect.

At the end of the day, I'm not striving for a perfectly arranged house, with china tea cups carefully displayed on window sills. I'm not building a mirage. I'm building a home and a home is so much more than a place of residence. It may look messy, it usually appears random, it certainly won't be perfect, and sometimes what is planted takes years to grow but ...

it's home.

p.s

Every one of our homes will be as different in dynamics as the people who make up the home. I should clarify that I am not saying mothers should never ever have a career, hobbies, or income or that the only reasonable way to educate kids is at home. During this season of life we have chosen to focus on child raising as our priority and we have arranged our lifestyle around that. As children's needs, ages, and seasons change so will our dynamics. I think the big idea is that as a mother my heart should be oriented home, and my priorities/ time should reflect the significance of how important that task of motherhood is. If my quantity of time, my energy, my passion, my focus is directed away from my family, then my children will be effected (this includes dads too). My home will be made more by accident than by careful intention.

I married the wrong person

2012-01-26T20:23:00.002-06:00

I may as well get that right out in the open.

I did not marry my "soul mate", nor did I marry someone who completes me. He doesn't make me happy. He wasn't my ticket to a better life. He didn't make me want to be a better person, in reality, marriage tempted me to become a much worse person.

{August, 10 1996}

It didn't take long into my whirlwind engagement and marriage at the age of 19 years old to realize these things. However, it took me at least a decade to figure out that "making me happy" wasn't a part of my husband's job description or even a healthy way to look at marriage. When two needy people run toward each other like human vacuums it doesn't create a self sacrificing, servant hearted, loving atmosphere...it creates life sucking chaos.

Contrary to what popular romantic culture, and the Bachelor, would have us believe there is no perfect "soul mate" waiting to "complete" us. In reality marriage is two kingdoms colliding, but there is a third Kingdom that enables us to become one...even if that oneness is still sometimes messy.

I should probably break it to you now....you didn't marry the "right" person either. "The one" who will make your dreams come true doesn't exist. You most likely married someone with baggage, selfishness, unhealthy coping skills, and pride. The most astonishing news of all might be that...your spouse married that wrong person too! We ALL marry the "wrong" person because we are all wrong people. Two sinners doing life together most certainly does NOT equal happily ever after without a whole lot of effort. This doesn't mean being married to that person is wrong. Just because marriage isn't always sunshine and roses, doesn't mean that God doesn't have a glorious purpose for your relationship.

"I married the wrong person", "love shouldn't be work", and "I deserve to be happy". I've heard even Christians say these things as they walk away from a marriage. If these lies are becoming a regular part of your thought life and you are tempted to give up hope... the good news is that a great marriage doesn't come without the bad times, it comes after them...when we are willing to do the tough stuff to get through it. A good marriage comes from years of perseverance, sacrifice, and tenacity. It is shaped in the fires of mistakes, disappointments, failures, repentance and humility. (Of course, if one person selfishly walks away there isn't much the other person can do but pick up the pieces.)

In all truth, I will only ever need one "soulmate". There will only ever be one who fulfills me. There is only one who can bring me true joy. There is only one Savior and one God who will love me perfectly. Out of that perfect love I have been given all I need to love my spouse. Instead of bitterly focusing on what your spouse doesn't do, or who he isn't like, focus on Jesus ...what He did, who He is.

"Because Jesus has done everything for you, you can do everything for others without needing others to do anything for you. That's freedom!" Tullian Tchivijian

We can't continue to view marriage as a 50/50 arrangement. Both the husband and the wife will keep score differently and become frustrated when they don't see the other pulling their fair share. Marriage has to be 100%. We have to give 100% regardless of what our spouse does or doesn't do. In time you might just love her into being lovable, or respect him into being respectable.

When we expect things from our husband that can only come from God, we have turned him into our god, our functional savior. He becomes our idol. That which we idolize we will also come to demonize when they fail to rescue us, perfectly love us, or live up to all our expectations. It won't take long before all we see are the failures. Our vision becomes colored by our own bitterness. Sadly that's where most people lose hope, count their losses, and bail out.

I remember specific days, months and years that I assumed this would eventually be our tragic end. I thought about it, expected it, and sometimes even prepared for it. Although I didn't ever leave the marriage legally, I did bail out emotionally....and that's really not much better. It was a lonely place to be.

By God's grace our story didn't end there.

There is hope for renewal. There is hope for a beautiful, deep, soul nurturing friendship with our spouse.
Instead of saying "I deserve a new spouse" or "I deserve to be happy". We should start with the question "How can I BE a new wife to my husband?"
"How can I BE a better friend?"
"How can I love him like Jesus loves me?" (even when you don't even like him all that much)
Start by praying that your own heart would be changed....then pray for him in an unselfish way.

After all, love isn't a feeling that we passively fall in and out of.....true love is a choice, it is an action. True love isn't following our shallow little hearts it is purposefully leading our hearts. True love isn't doing what feels "right", it's doing right even when we don't feel like it.

{15 years and more in love than ever}

What if we looked at marriage as a journey toward holiness rather than our recipe for happiness (If that recipe didn't work for us, we throw it out and try another). As we learn to forgive, repent, and show grace we start to image Christ a little more. As the years slowly start to chip away our own selfishness and pride we start to view our spouse a little more like Jesus does...and we start to actually see our own sin instead of just magnifying theirs.

Fifteen and a half years after those two starry eyed strangers walked down the isle together, I can honestly say we are more in love, we are better friends, and we actually like each other (most of the time). We are no longer looking at each other through lenses filled with stars and rainbows, or lenses filled with bitterness and hurt....we are looking through lenses of grace and truth.

I adore my husband, not as my functional savior, but as my best friend.
When he's away, I eagerly anticipate his return. I feel like a part of me is amputated
because
we have FUN together.
We laugh with each other.
We are honest with each other.
We enjoy each other's company.
We pray for and with each other.
We serve others together...and we serve each other.
He helps me want to be more like Jesus.

I thank God that my life is blessed by him.

He loves, leads and sacrificially serves his family in a way that reflects more and more how Christ loves, leads and sacrificially serves the Church.

You can have a new marriage with the SAME spouse too! It is possible through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit at work in two selfish hearts. We are living proof of that beautiful resurrection marriage.

Here are some resources that have recently been helpful in our quest to love each other better. You have to start somewhere...and that usually starts with one person deciding that the marriage is worth fighting for.

A new book that we recently read together is called "Real Marriage, the truth about sex, friendship, and life together." It was a very helpful, very vulnerable, very honest, ...and apparently (based on some reviews) even a little bit controversial look at marriage. I suppose it's "controversial" because it doesn't shy away from Biblical truth but at the same time it isn't filled with sugar coated churchy platitudes. It talks about real issues that affect real marriages in this generation, within the framework of God's design for marriage. It may not be written for the 80 year old organ player at your church, but in our hyper-sexualized, confused culture...it is very timely.

We liked it. It's focus on marital friendship was refreshing.

There is also a "Marriage Campaign" beginning at my sister's church in Seattle. We've been following the sermons there for the last couple years (since my sister in law's life was radically transformed). Anyhoo...
check it out at Marshill.com

My home church has also started a marriage series along the same themes. Check it out...so far it's really good. Seriously, put it on your ipod and listen to it. You can find the first sermon here.http://gracesask.com/media/?sermon_id=70 . The first message is "New marriage , same spouse". If you look back a few weeks there are some really great sermons on things like forgiveness and bitterness that aren't part of the marriage series but are super good....and obviously apply to marriage as well.

Another book , that I haven't read yet but I hear is really good, is a book by
Tim Keller called "The meaning of Marriage"

Looks like it's the year of reclaiming our marriages!

Why settle for a lifeless marriage when God wants to transform our marriages into something that reflects both the beauty of the gospel and the oneness of the Trinity.

Flush and Wash

2012-01-23T20:00:00.003-06:00

"Contrary to what we have typically heard (and been enslaved by), Christian growth is not becoming stronger and stronger, more and more competent. Christian growth and progress is marked by a growing realization of just how weak and incompetent we are and how strong and competent Jesus continues to be for us. Spiritual maturity is not marked by our growing, independent fitness. Rather, it’s marked by our growing dependence on Christ’s fitness for us. " Tullian Tchividjian

I love this quote. Thought I'd share it for all you moms, wives, and Christians out there who look at the task ahead and wonder what God was thinking when he picked you for it. How on earth did God think I could raise this goofy brood.

For all of you who still say silly quotes like "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"....phooey is what I say. He does it all the time. The only way we fail is when we assume we CAN handle it all on our own.

For all of you moms who swear that if you have to tell someone to "flush and wash", "Stop picking your nose", or "pick up that towel" one more time you will have stroke.

For all the moms who take little vacations behind the locked door of the bathroom.
This is good news! We don't have to be super woman!

So pull up your big girl panties, roll up your sleeves, stop the whining....and just abide. Trust. Rest.

{This is for all the moms who will never get the hang of being woke up at 6am every morning}

Facing my Fears

2012-01-20T20:56:00.001-06:00

There are few things in life that I'm really afraid of.

I hold my life and those I love peacefully under God's sovereign care as we travel through life....

but there is something that makes my skin crawl and my chest fill with anxiety.

Creepy crawlies.

I'm not a bug lover and the kind I despise the most are teeny tiny and bite.

In the past, we have dealt with occasional flea bites in Baja but this time we experienced them in a much more intimate way. I suspect part of the reason was that we weren't living on a mission compound this time. A couple years ago, the orphanage kids we were in day to day contact with were clean and parasite free.

This time we rented a house in town. Our home was surrounded by dogs, chickens and roosters. Our arms and home was opened to children who have never seen a shower or a bathtub, children who washed their hands in our toilet and pooped in the yard.

My slightly ocd, parasite phobic little self was stretched.

As people and children came and went from our home, as we walked down the dusty streets, little sand fleas would jump up and attach to our pant legs...usually unseen by us. Once the nasty little critter found it's way into the house it feasted on our flesh. Only Aili and I reacted to the bites. One tiny flea can munch, unnoticed, on a child all night and the burning itch that results is intensely miserable. At one point Aili had about 70 bites all over her body. She was such a trooper though. It was misery but she didn't complain about her living situation or plight. Not even once did she beg to go home. She continued to embrace this place and her friends here.

We did try to use some precautions and wage war on them but in the end we just accepted it as cost of doing business.

Another creepy crawly that I decided I had no choice but to call a truce with is lice.

Just the thought sends me into horror and panic mode. My oldest daughter has a ridiculous amount of hair....it would take days to nit comb through all of it! It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

By some miraculous hand of fortune we didn't become hosts to these little fellas but we did hang out with some beautiful heads full of them.

I fully expected us all to get head lice at some point. I even chopped my kids hair shorter to make it easier to treat when the situation arose. My kids got tired of me scrutinizing their hair every evening.

One Sunday afternoon, while I snuggled on my couch with a stunningly beautiful little girl, I came face to face with the reality of my own sinful pride and fear. Every one of my senses screamed at me to gently move this child off of my lap and out of my house. Then I could sterilize my home and shut the gate. I could light a few Christmas candles to mask the eye watering smell of stale urine and a little bottom that had not seen a bathtub in a long time...but instead I held her...ashamed of the disgust rising in my throat.

I looked down at her hair where white grains of rice clung in clusters to each strand contrasted against the black matted locks. Her head pressed up against my shoulder, her hair sticky against my cheek. A small grey creature crawled along the top of her head. I inconspicuously picked it up between my thumb and finger, squished it and dropped it on the floor. A moment later I felt something tickling my chest. Not sure if it was just paranoia at that point I looked down to find another one crawling it's way up my neck. It joined the fate of the other. I held my girl a little closer.

I was face to face with my fear.

Seriously, these are things my nightmares are made of!

In that moment I heard a verse echo in my memory.

1 John 4:18 " There is no fear in love, But perfect love drives out fear..." The next couple verses also go on to say that if we claim to love God but we don't love our brother we're liars. God's love has a long way to go in me if a few tiny bugs can separate me from a child who needs to be held.

If she was mine, I would have bathed her and dressed her up all pretty but that day I couldn't. She had come in her best dress, her hair put up in rubber bands, she was so proud. She felt pretty.

What I felt was ugly.

I wanted to see her like Jesus does. I don't want to be afraid. I prayed to the Holy Spirit to break me a little more.

This little girl doesn't know a day without her head itching. She probably never will.

If loving her means that my head becomes a dinner party for little critters for a couple weeks...big deal.

Jesus faced a lot more than fleas and lice to love me.

He entered into the stench of the human race to welcome us into His home.

That alone is what enables His love to flow through me. On my own...I would have satisfied a "good deed" list with something less itchy.

Maybe that's what sparked the "What DID Jesus do?" question in my mind.

It's hard to fear what we have chosen to love.

WWJD?

2012-01-19T16:51:00.002-06:00

Most of you have seen that abbreviation for "What would Jesus Do?". It was a bit of a craze among Christian marketers a while back. I avoided it, not because I thought something was fundamentally wrong with the slogan, but because of my aversion to all things trite, neatly packaged and just plain lame. It just never seemed to fit right.

For some reason the WWJD slogan popped into my brain the other day. Once trapped in my head I started to ponder it in my overly analytical geeky way. So this is the summary of my very obscure topic and random thought process.

Asking ourselves "What would Jesus do?" isn't so much wrong as it is painfully incomplete. We may as well ask ourselves what would Gandhi do? What would Mother Theresa do? What would Oprah do? Then we could pull ourselves up by the boot straps, give ourselves a good moral lecture, try our darndest to figure out what Jesus would hypothetically do in our situation and then attempt to copy it.

All it does is encourage us to be Jesus fans, not actual followers (or dorks wearing lame bracelets). Jesus wasn't just a good example to follow for positive moral lessons, or sent to "improve our image of God" (as if God has a PR problem).....he was sent on a rescue mission. God's law shows us how desperately far we are from him, the gospel shows us how far God is willing to go to reach us. Jesus isn't a moral formula to decipher.

Perhaps a better question would be "What DID Jesus do?" ....followed by "What does Jesus still do?"

When we are completely saturated with, overwhelmed under, and transformed by what Jesus DID... that changes what we do...or more accurately WHO we are. Out of the transformation of who we are, what we do comes naturally....or as naturally as it ever can in this life.

We have been buried and resurrected with him, given the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, and are being made new...through that same gospel by which we were saved. We don't trade it in at the door for white knuckled hypothetical moral guessing.

The gospel isn't just something we believe in order to be saved. It isn't a creed to hang our hats on. It is something that lives in us, through us, and empowers us. Continually.

So the next time I am temped to coddle life sucking resentment and bitterness because someone sabotaged my hopes, lied about me, slandered me, wounded someone I love, or treated me unjustly.......I will ask myself "What did Jesus do?"

There's nothing hypothetical in it.
He forgave me. In fact, while I was still vying for HIS throne, he left it to pursue me. He loved me. He served me...not because I deserved anything less than to carry the weight of my own sin...but because of his incredible grace. In that place of broken, eyes wide open, humility and gratitude...how can I not do the same with my enemies?

The next time I am tempted to live a life of passive complacency and people pleasing idolatry I will remind myself "What did Jesus do?"

He defeated death and our sin. The battle is won. It is finished. He came for us! How can I not proclaim that passionately?

The next time I am tempted to choose self preservation, comfort, and safety over sacrificial, radical love....you guessed it.. "What DID Jesus do?"

The God of the universe who commands the armies of angels... made himself an embryo whose sole purpose was to grow up, suffer, and die. I could go on from there...but you get the point.

So instead of asking myself "What would Jesus do?" in life's tricky, messy, sometimes wretched dilemmas, (most of us would mess it up, or just plain guess wrong anyhow).....I'm just going to keep preaching the gospel to myself.

The only worthwhile answer to WWJD question would be....rely completely upon the Holy Spirit, as he voluntarily submitted himself to the will of the Father, to the glory of God and the good of all mankind.

Because of that truth, I can celebrate the perfect sufficiency of Christ, rest in his grace, lean on his power, kneel before his forgiveness, submit to his will, trusting that HE will make me new. God is going to do what he delights in doing most in a heart that is continually surrendered to him. Even if I don't wear the bracelet.

Homeward bound

2012-01-18T19:01:00.001-06:00

This is just a quick summary of our 5 day journey from Baja home to Canada. We left the our little beach house in San Felipe (after spending 2 days in paradise) early on Jan. 2.

I had my last breakfast on the patio and the kids loaded all their sea treasures into plastic bags.

We drove north toward the U.S border along the east coast of the Baja Penninsula.

We eventually found our way through Mexicali and into the U.S. Free bit of advice: It's usually a good idea to get in the right line...

From Calexico we drove straight up through the east side of California, the Mohave desert. We had driven across it before but never up through it length wise.

There was a whole lot of nothing...nothing but fascinating desert scenery anyhow.

It was like it's own little world out there. I felt like we were in the Pixar Cars movie and were headed down route 66 to places time had forgotten.

We pointed out cotton fields to our kids. Now they know where their clothes come from.

Our car started making bad noises toward the end of the first day. We had noticed some glichy things happening but figured we'd get them checked once we got home. It became apparent that we would need to stop before Las Vegas and find a garage. We tried to make it to Boulder City but after driving in the middle of the wilderness, in the dark, with our car sounding like it was about to fall apart under us, we stopped in Needles California. Luckily, we found a decent motel in the little town and the next day we limped our way a few miles to Bullhead City Arizona.

This garage was great. Very helpful, good service and quite sympathetic to our plight of being homeless vagabonds without a car or cell phone. We killed about 6 hours, with four children, in a few stores nearby but then found out that the part didn't arrive and it wouldn't be ready until the next morning.

As it turns out two of our wheels were close to coming right off! Out came the credit card.

We used their phone to call a taxi and find a hotel. Loaded our crew and luggage into a taxi and gave him the address of a hotel that had a "suite" (we are too many people for one room)

A couple hours of waiting, fighting, and entertaining kids in a hotel lobby later we had a room...actually two rooms.

Where we stayed the rest of the day, and the night, and half of the next day.

What does a person do with 4 kids in a really cruddy hotel room, in the middle of nowhere, with no car and not so much as a fast food restaurant within walking distance?

(This kind of stress could lead to heavy drinking.)

Pizza delivery for supper, untoasted Poptarts from the gas station across the street for breakfast. Good stuff.

We are not picky people when it comes to hotels or vacations spots....but this place had me irritated and it was stupid expensive. Like no hotel we'd ever been to. For more on our experience check out my trip advisory rating. I've never left a rating before and certainly have never been ticked off enough to leave a bad one. I wish we would have had the choice and ability to check the rating before we checked in. Apparently we aren't the only ones that hated this place. We maybe should have guessed something was amiss when we were the only ones staying there. 200 rooms and 2 cars in the parking lot.

FINALLY,

we were on the road again. We made it to Las Vegas and were relieved to be back on the highway....that is until I rolled down a window and it wouldn't go back up. Wouldn't budge at all. We tried again and again.

That's when my sweet husband just about lost his mind. Fortunately he didn't direct his frustration at me...the car door, however, should consider itself lucky it didn't get ripped off and left in the desert. He couldn't get to it, so it seemed we'd be looking for another garage and handing them our credit card again.

I said a silent desperate prayer.

The window went up. Like nothing had even happened.

Sigh of relief and a thankyou.

No one touched the windows the rest of the trip.

Back on the open road, with

kids entertaining themselves happily in the back.

Two more nights of hotels, 1 episode of vomit (the day I forgot to give kids Dramamine for breakfast) , and a bunch of movies later, we were home.

Home sweet home...

or in our case "home, freeze my butt off ,home".

The windchill today was -46 degrees Celcius out here in the sticks.

I miss my flip flops already.

It did feel heavenly to sleep in my own bed after 6 weeks of motels, and "junk for Jesus" donated missionary beds.

Now to process this amazing journey...

Introducing my newest big kid

2012-01-16T22:18:00.000-06:00

It's official now. My baby has crossed the threshold into big kid-ness. Next comes big bucky teeth, deodorant and acne...well maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Seriously though, they seem to grow up really fast after 5. It makes my heart squeeze a little thinking that my last tummy baby is now a big kid. For the record no one asked my permission to grow up around here. (Although I do, on many occasions, implore this child to act like a "big boy").

sigh.

There are perks to older kids. I'm hoping some of those start to materialize in this child.

I love this boy!

He's quirky, ~~obsessive~~ focused, silly, and smart.

Our family detail guy. He notices everything but still can't figure out how to smile for the camera.

Have you ever seen Big Bang theory? Smile Sheldon.

Silas LOVES having a birthday. He has been obsessing about it for exactly 364 days now.

He's been counting down the number of nights for the past 2 weeks. Every morning he wakes up and states "yesterday there was 4 nights left, but I just slept, so now there's only 3".

Happy Birthday Sy Fry.

I really out did myself this year on the cake eh?

Last year my resolution was to stop being flaky with my kids birthday cakes and parties. I rocked the cakes last year. Sponge Bob, Little Miss Sunshine, a campfire, and a poodle skirt doll. This year I made no such resolution....in fact I feel the need to reset the bar nice and low. How will they be thrilled with excellence if they don't experience mediocrity on occasion?

I actually had slightly better plans for the cake for our "Batman" party but forgot to buy icing sugar (back to being flaky) and being that we live 30 miles from town and we got storm stuck at home this weekend....I was forced to be resourceful.

Marshmallows it is.

This sugar fanatic thought it was great.

Hot dogs balanced out the nutritious meal.

We had 4 of his little friends over for a few hours to celebrate with us.

He wanted to finish off the day doing "school work". This guy is ready and eager to learn. He constantly comes to me with questions about words.

Mom are there two kinds of "free"?

Mom, are there three kinds of "two"?

"Mom, did you know that there are two kinds of "night"?

Happy 5th Birthday my sweet boy!!

Life School - Marine Biology 101

2012-01-15T15:04:00.001-06:00

Now that we're back into our typical "school" year, I thought I'd show you a glimpse of our nontraditional education by reminiscing through an afternoon at Percebu. While we were at San Felipe for a couple days it was suggested by some locals that we take a 20 minute drive south to a beach.

A middle of nowhere, off the grid, beach with a little settlement of houses (I suspect mostly built by retired American adventurers).

The fun part is, the tide goes out really far here revealing an incredible tide pool ecosystem.

The kids scavenged for shells, examining the various invertebrates washed up in the barnacle covered rocks.

We did have some fun with the vertebrates as well.

It felt like we were the only humans for miles exploring our own little marine wonderland.

We left our school books at home while we were in Mexico for 6 weeks. Initially, I felt the usual home school mom guilt for neglecting our grammar and math, but now I know they learned more this month than they will the rest of the school year combined ...

and we just happened to make some amazing memories in the process.

Percebu, we love you.

Two thumbs up

2012-01-13T19:40:00.000-06:00

We've been home in Canada for a week now and I'm still firmly in denial. Thus my continued posts about Mexico. Besides, my pictures of Baja are way more interesting than pictures of me doing dishes, folding laundry and teaching how to add and subtract fractions with different denominators. Back to real life.

We only spent 3 nights in San Felipe but I took a massive amount of photos. This is a little glimpse at the town. Just the right amount of tourist comfort without being all resort-ish and completely Americanized. It has a small fishing town feel but with some ex-pat artsy flare.

Was a perfect little place for a family vacation. We rate it two bums up!

Mariscos

2012-01-11T21:05:00.000-06:00

No one in our family appreciates a fresh, abundant supply of sea food quite like Roman.

Perhaps because none of us are adventurous enough.

This boy ordered the mixed seafood cocktail.

His favorite was the octopus. I had to remind him a couple times, as he expressed how delicious they were, that tentacles is pronounced with an "n"...not an "s".

Although being a farm girl...I must say they didn't look all that much different.

Now that you are thoroughly grossed out...

It's time to make you drool.

I love authentic Mexican food. (Del Taco doesn't qualify)

The atmosphere makes the food so much more fun.

Giant coconut shrimp! Delicious.

The best food we had was at "Mariscos La Morena".

Excellent customer service (of course...we are in Mexico!) and absolutely delicious food.

If you ever find yourself in San Felipe for dinner ...

the enchiladas were amazing!

Roman eating the rest of my coconut shrimp. They were huge!

I'm jealous of myself

2012-01-08T22:25:00.001-06:00

Now that I'm sitting back home on the frozen Canadian prairie, in my bathrobe, trying to convince my children of the joys of multiplication, these pictures make me envious of myself 10 days ago.

Looking back, it almost feels like a dream. Something I didn't really want to wake up from. Our whole month in Baja was incredible, heart breaking, heart filling, and amazing but these couple days were down right FUN.

This is how we spent New Years Eve and New Years day. We had a little mini vacation in San Felipe on our way back to Canada. I'll show you more of the town and restaurants in another post but first...

the beaches of San Felipe, on the Sea of Cortez, North Baja, Mexico.

Not a bad way to welcome 2012.

Kids playing in our "back yard"

Making some incredible family memories.

Enjoying some solitude and peace.

Just a little taste of paradise.

I want to live here.

Our beach house. 2 bedrooms. 2 bathrooms and the best back yard ever.

Well, we almost had the beach to ourselves.

except for our thoroughly traumatized bird neighbors.

Being adventurous enough to spend several days in an old unreliable car with 4 kids, then drive around in the Mexican wilderness looking for a cool spot to stop may sound really weird or down right crazy to some people,

but we like our kind of crazy.

We might be weird...but last I checked, normal is pretty sucky.

Adventuras

2012-01-08T21:20:00.002-06:00

After a few tears and goodbyes, we packed up our little house in the San Quintin valley. Instead of heading for the American border we drove 5 hours through the mountains. Our destination San Felipe. A little fishing and tourist town on the Sea of Cortez. A meca for Hobie Cat lovers like my husband. Although his Hobie was stuck back home on the frozen prairie.

We loved heading down some new roads and seeing new territory.

Once we arrived we found some good grub and searched for a place to stay. We ended up staying at a privately owned beach house that is available for wandering visitors like us.

It was perfect

and we got a killer deal on the price too. I suspect the fact that tourism here is hurting (due to the crappy American economy ) had something to due with their willingness to barter. We arrived after dark so we didn't get to appreciate the view until morning.

This is what we woke up to. The weather on the Eastern side of Baja was quite a bit warmer and the water in the sea here is so calm and gorgeous. The kids didn't stay on the patio for long!

I think I found a new happy place.

8 am New Years Eve.

Not a bad place to bring in a new year.

A Beautiful Quinceanera - part 2- Party Time!

2012-01-07T12:08:00.001-06:00

The lovely Minerva.

While my four kids, and three extra girls, got ready for the party at our house, Nathanael borrowed a van and drove to Santa Fe to pick up our guests. He arrived home with 31 people in the 12 passenger van! Family is a strange thing in this clan. They all moved to Baja from the southern mountains of Oaxaca where tribes of people still speak indigenous languages and the culture still contrasts with modern Mexico. I know this was only a select few of the relatives on the hill but it filled up the room and I know Minerva was thrilled to have so many guests.

It seems the whole community of Santa Fe is related somehow. I hear so many stories about different "Aunts and cousins", family rivalries, estrangement, feuds and inter family theft and violence. Maybe they aren't that strange after all.

It was a slightly chaotic, super fun, in way over our heads, cultural experience. The room was filled with the foreign sounds of Triqui language and people unaccustomed to forks and knives, tables and chairs making futile attempts to use them. Most set them aside for a more traditional, albeit messy, way to eat mole.

My handsome little Ramiro looking so proud in his new Christmas shirt.

A good friend of ours custom made this cake for Minerva. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Minervas mama. This woman has lived a hard life. She is hard working, proud, and tough as nails. Over the last couple years she has softened and warmed up to us though. She looked so beautiful at the party and I saw her smile more than I thought possible. I think she was somewhat surprised that we had returned to Mexico to love on her family. She consistently responded with hospitality and gratitude. We felt welcomed rather than suspect this trip.

After all our guests were seated we presented our Quinceanera and she made her grand entrance on the arm of her dashing escort.

Not only did Nathanael serve as a father figure at the ceremony he also helped out our friend back in the kitchen. What a guy.

That is a LOT of mole.

Roman was not so sure what he thought of the authentic Oaxacan mole sauce. There are quite a few varieties from what I've heard. I thought it was SO yummy. The bags of ingredients included bags full of different dried chili's (that we helped to seed and rip up), various nuts, sesame seeds, and cinnamon. Basically a death mix for Silas, but it was a unique savory flavorful dish.

Little sisters Louisa and Gabriella enjoying their supper.

As far as Quinceaneras go it was probably quite simple, and being foreigners, I suspect we missed a lot of essential festive elements....but I know Minerva felt pretty darn special. That was the goal.

Alvaro got a haircut for the occasion. He looks like such a gentleman in his new shirt and hair. I am so proud of this boy. I had feared, at age 13, he would now be involved in all sorts of things many adolescent boys here are. Mothers work long hours away from home and Fathers (or any positive male role models) are scarce. So many little boys in the poor neighborhoods go from running like packs of wild dogs, to running in gangs. I was very relieved this year to find that my sweet, kind, respectful Alvaro still exists. He has been so gentle with Cece and always eager to help out his "Tio" with any sort of work. It seems he takes his role as big brother and man of the house very seriously, although I can tell it is a heavy load emotionally for those tiny little shoulders.

After our meal we had a very brief little program/ ceremony where she was presented with a few gifts and I spoke briefly to her and our guests about God's love and grace. There is no shortage of religious superstition, fear and customs here. Even most Christian church's are heavy on religious rules, works and legalism. Christianity is viewed as just one more religion to add to the pot and mix together with all the others. What seems to be unheard of is what separates Jesus from being a religion....grace and the true gospel (good news) of God's never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love.

As I began, I knew I only had a few minutes. The room was full of rowdy kids and the din of many adult conversations. I doubted anyone but Minerva would hear. After a couple minutes the room was silent. I don't know if they found a white girl preaching at them amusing enough to stop what they were doing but they listened. I was surprised.

She may not have a Dad. She may be just another daughter of a poor field worker. She may be invisible to the world....but her Father knows her. He adores her. He left the glory of Heaven to enter into our suffering. He came to rescue her and bring her into his family. She has value because she is made in His image. She is lovable because He loves her first. She is passionately loved and pursued by her Father. She has purpose, hope and radical grace available to her through Christ.

"The Lord your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah3:17

I told her that God loves her. He is not distant, cruel or unavailable. He is with you and He is for you. He is strong enough to carry you when life's burdens get to heavy. He is mighty enough to form mountains and set the planets in their places, yet gentle enough to wipe your tears.

He doesn't merely tolerate you, Minerva he delights in you. Like "Tio" Nathanael with his daughter Cece. Miss Cece's daddy not only welcomed her into his family, he delights in her. He adores her. He can't talk about her without smiling. Minerva, you make God smile.

Like a little daughter sitting securely in her Daddy's arms, God longs to quiet the turmoil in your soul with his love. He can't help but serenade you with a love song.

His greatest love song to us was sung at the cross. The love story written at the beginning of time. A rescue plan to bring his beloved children back home.

You are not forgotten. You are not alone.

Next on the program was the pinata. The adults all had a good laugh as the children each took a turn. It went so well and all the children (and moms) went home with pockets full of treats.

After all 31 people plus the extra little girls who had been at our house piled into the van it just didn't seem right to stuff our glamorous Quinceanera on the floor behind a seat. We spontaneously invited her to spend the night at our house. After we did a little cleaning up, we scrounged extra clothes for her to change into and we curled up on the couch for hot chocolate and a movie. I loved having her stay with us as part of the family. She spent the whole next day hanging out, just one of the crew. The next evening we drove her home and said our goodbyes to the rest of the kids.

I can't write about that without crying. It's only been a week and I miss them so much. They are part of our family. Part of me wishes I could stay and look after the littlest during the day so all the kids could go to school. I wish that we could be there to provide constant love and support. I wish I had time to carefully comb the thick matts of nits out of their hair. I wish that Nathanael could be there to help guide Alvaro and Ramiro into becoming young men, teaching them trade skills, character, and how to be a loving husband and father....but.. our home is far away and

it was time to pack up our little house and start our voyage home to Canada.

A Beautiful Quinceanera- part 1- preparations

2012-01-05T22:46:00.000-06:00

This may look like a simple little birthday party, but it was a celebration of so much more than another year passing.

A Quinceanera is a special birthday party that a girl here has when she turns 15. It varies but it is sort of a right of passage ceremony, a coming of age. I suspect that every little Mexican girl dreams of her Quinceanera gown and the party she may someday have. In reality most little girls in this area don't have one. In fact many have never had a birthday party of any sort. I don't know if it's cultural (among the Triqui people) or because of the poverty but it's not uncommon for children to have no idea what month or even what year they were born. Minerva (our girl from Santa Fe) had no idea how old she was when we met her two years ago. After digging up a birth certificate we discovered she was 13at the time...which now makes her 15. She has never had a birthday party. She has never had her own cake. She has never owned a fancy dress...or quite possibly any new article of clothing.

One of the reasons I wanted to come down this month was I had a dream of creating a Quinceanera for her. The problem being that I know nothing of the tradition and had only seen part of one done at church for someone I didn't know. Another problem was that I'm not a party planner. Not my skill set. I do it for my children out of love, not because I enjoy it...and they are usually small and simple parties. I knew to pull it off would take some help from talented friends and a whole lot of winging it. I was certainly in way over my head.

{my little helper, who happens to share my name}

Once we found a place to hold the party, we set a time and date. Then we told Minerva and her family what our plans were. I wish I had a picture of that girls smile.

A few days before the party Minerva, Aili and I spent the day shopping. I should have taken my camera with me because it was quite an experience. We spent most of the day looking in different little stores. She tried on so many dresses and even more shoes. It was tricky to find things to fit a 15 year old girl who has a woman's curves yet is shorter than my 10 year old. She has itty bitty feet as well. We searched every store and even drove 20 miles to the next town to find shoes that didn't look like little girl school shoes in a size 2. We found a perfect little pair of black heels and an absolutely perfect stunning red dress. We also had fun shopping for accessories, under garments, and make up. It was a treat to spend that time with her.

I hired a Mexican friend of mine to do the cooking (since my quality of Mexican food would be appalling). When asked what she wanted to eat at her party, Minerva didn't even hesitate. Mole (pronounced molay) con pollo it is.

We scrounged up decorations, balloons, plates, table clothes, glitter, spray paint and created something lovely. I am actually quite proud of myself. For someone who has absolutely no talent in the area of crafts I think it turned out quite pretty...and I didn't even glue my fingers together.

After spending the morning decorating we brought home our three girls so they could have some spa time before the party. Carla's princess spa featured hot showers with indoor plumbing, special shampoo, new outfits and jewelry.

Louisa and Carmela all squeaky clean.

I could snuggle these two all day.

Later in the afternoon "Tio" (my hubster) borrowed a van to go pick up all our guests from Santa Fe. We expected Minerva's immediate family of 7 plus maybe 10 more relatives to join us. Once word got out that we were serving Mole ....well...we had a few more than that.

You'll have to check back in when I write part 2.

It's party time!

p.s A special thanks to all our family and friends who donated to the "Icecream for Orphans" fund. The Burlando kids compassion project paid for most of the party as well as the dress. If it weren't for your generosity, we wouldn't have had the money to give this girl her own little fairy tale evening.

If I never get another Christmas gift in my life

2012-01-03T10:35:00.001-06:00

If I never get another Christmas gift in my life,

I will die a happy woman.

No gift will ever be able to compare to being here with these kids. Our kids from Santa Fe. The kids who call me Tia.

I should probably clarify that "Santa Fe" isn't in New Mexico. Our Santa Fe is a tiny little town or more like a neighborhood on the outskirts of the small city where we live.

These pictures will make my heart squeeze with a combination of happy memories and sad longing for years to come. I'm going to miss these kids so much.

The day we drove up to Santa Fe to bring Christmas gifts to "our" kids I made sure to bring along a couple extra to surprise these two neighbor children. They have been very timid with this strange family of gringos coming to visit their neighbors all the time but they watch with fascinated interest every time we roll up in our big grey car. The family that lived in this blue house 2 years ago must have moved away because the kids living here now are new to us.

I suspect a little china doll will never have been so loved.

The plastic bag that the boy is holding contains a fuzzy new fleece blanket generously provided (along with 4 others gifted elsewhere) by my cousins family. I stuffed it with some candy and a little Max Lucado booklet.

I couldn't help but contrast the sweet smelling, clean, warm blanket with the sharp ocean wind, the filthy dust that covers everything, and the sparse, flea and lice ridden blankets that exist in these homes. I hope that this clean soft blanket wrapped around a shivering little body provides a tiny little vacation from harsh reality this Christmas.

After we spent a few moments with the neighbor kids we carried 7 backpacks/ bags into "our" kids house. The same house that my husband helped to build two winters ago. They have taken such good care of the gift that they were given. It doesn't always work out that way with people. It's great to see the pride, responsibility, and ownership this family has for their home.

We followed 10 eager kids into the house where big sister Carmela (8?) put baby Gabriella down for a nap.

We began with sweet little Louisa's gift. She sat hugging her new backpack with a big grin on her face but seemed to have no clue that it was full of stuff. After some convincing she carefully and slowly examined each little treasure. The smile says it all.

Rambunctious little Ramiro opened his backpack bringing with him a whole new level of enthusiasm and excitement.

Next in line was reserved, responsible, acts too old for her age Carmela. This hard working little girl is the caretaker of three younger siblings, (soon to be 4) while her mom works long days in the fields and the oldest two go to school. I wish with every bit of my heart that this smart, eager little girl was able to go to school. If she lived in Canada she would likely be in 3rd or 4th grade by now. It crushes me that her potential is being left undiscovered and uncultivated. Without education she will work in the fields herself someday making barely enough to keep her own children alive. This little girl has had a very special place in my heart for a couple years now. She is still such an affection sponge and loves to snuggle, at the same time she seems so sad this time and has walls built up high around her. She breaks my heart. I want so badly to protect her from whatever took away the sparkle she once had in her eyes.

Kind and handsome Alvaro proudly examined each item that I had packed into his bag while I was still in Canada.

I wrote a post a while back expressing my thoughts about giving and how it doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy. Sometimes giving of ourselves hurts, it's risky and it doesn't always feel good. I also need to say that sometimes it feels amazing! I wish I could pack up their whole family and bring them home with me. They do fit right in with my goofy tribe.

Our Merry Little Christmas in Baja

2012-01-02T23:55:00.001-06:00

Christmas was a little different this year. We didn't go to any malls. We didn't take any pictures with Santa.

I didn't have any traditional Christmas pudding or butter tarts. There was no snow, Christmas tv specials, or Sears Wishbook...

but it was a very merry Christmas.

While all our neighbors here had their big Noche Buena celebration Christmas Eve we snuggled up with the kids, watched the Nativity movie and ate baked potatoes. The next morning we were all up bright and early to open our gifts. I'm pretty sure we were the only ones in the neighborhood awake at 6.30 am on Christmas day...being that the Christmas Eve festivities went on until only a few hours earlier.

Our kids each received 2 inexpensive gifts (bought at a local grocery store) but they were thrilled. They didn't even complain that they are still the only kids they know without a Wii or an American girl doll. Probably because now they know a lot of kids without shoes, or food. I love how living and serving here has changed their perspective on gratitude and giving.

Later in the day we met up with friends for a turkey dinner potluck.

This lovely foster mom, who reminds me of a tall (no kidding she's 6'2"), beautiful viking, has been living here for 7 years. Other than being mom to these two precious little boys, she serves the people she loves here in Mexico in a variety of ways.

It was an honor to hang out with and get to know her this month. I hope our paths cross again.

The "MK's"...for lack of a better term.

Both Roman and Silas were glad to each have a bilingual buddy this month.

My Christmas princessa playing peek-a-boo.

No party is complete without a pinata.

Anyone notice the shadow on the wall?

Miss Cece didn't hesitate to dive right in. My little scrapper got her share of candy.

I have no idea why this boy is on his third set of front teeth....

Cookies for Emma

2011-12-24T16:10:00.001-06:00

Today is the day that a precious little girl named Emma was due to be born. Instead, she went straight from her loving mama's womb into the arms of Jesus. Today she is celebrating her first Christmas Eve with the same angels that announced the birth of the Messiah. She will never know tears, suffering, or pain.

Her mama and papa, on the other hand, are far too familiar with tears, suffering and pain. My heart aches for them today. While the rest of the world celebrates...they grieve what should have been. They mourn all that they have lost.

A couple weeks ago Emma's mama asked all her friends if we would do a random act of kindness and report back to her so she could write them all down and fill Emma's stocking with all the ways that people have been blessed in her honor.

I thought is would be a very special way to remember their daughter but I hadn't come up with something specific that seemed worthy...thankfully my friend my in Mexico, Amber (who is also a friend of Emma's mom) had a really great idea. She's a great idea kind of woman.

We gathered our troops, and let our kids loose on a batch of sugar cookies.

We loaded our crew, the cookies, and a big thermos of hot chocolate into our SUV and drove to a nearby park.

Every Friday the park is filled with women , with their children in tow, selling their wares.

We wanted to surprise them with a little treat.

We set up on a little cement park bench and starting passing out hot chocolate and sugar cookies.

We wished everyone we met a "Feliz Navidad"

Our amigo Saul and his adorable little Brielle. This little girl and Cece are so cute together.

I love the traditional dresses that these Triqui women wear.

{I bought the red one...it looks so pretty and festive on my dining room table}

Emma's papa is Mexican and her mama lived in Mexico for years as well so it was fun to be able to do this act of kindness for the same people that Emma's mama and Papa poured a lot of love into.

Beauty that not many get to see

2011-12-17T16:43:00.000-06:00

My precious kids. The little rascal dressed like my boys often are, nearly knocked me over when I showed up at their door. He jumped so high wrapping himself around my neck I think his knees almost touched my ears. I love these kids!

Rain coming again...

Candy and a broken heart

2011-12-17T16:31:00.003-06:00

This week we had a couple different "outreach" Christmas events that we were so grateful to be a part of.

This one constisted of a lot of dulces...candy.

The kids used the "Icecream for Orphans" fund to purchase candy for 75 candy bags and a pinata full of candy.

This is the Dulceria. The big bulk candy store...aka heaven on earth for children.

This time we drove south to a small community and met at a church there. This church wasn't quite like the one at the toy bag outreach. This community is a settlement of squatters for a lack of a better word. Make shift shelters built on unowned land. Many of the houses were built only from flattened cardboard boxes sewed together. I didn't get a picture of those. Over the last decade there has been a lot of change and development in this area of the Baja but this community is a flashback. Extreme poverty.

Thankfully poverty can't stop faith , hope and love.

"House of Prayer"

{Roman in the green sweater holding Cece}

Our kind and humble leader, Judy, passing out knitted hats.

This young woman is a gem. She has been working here for a couple years now and is a natural. Her love for Jesus and the people shines bright. Roman is taking up his roll as basura (garbage) boy again.

More muffins and hot chocolate.

This little cutie sporting his new hat is every so subtly pointing at himself asking me to take a picture of him.

Perla, the girl in the pink was a character!

Chile , strawberry, and salt flavored lolly pops.

This young mama with what I assume is Cerebral palsy was struggling to maneuver herself and her young son through the line. I made sure that they got situated out of the chaos with muffins, candy bags, and hot chocolate. My heart went out to her. She couldn't form words but it felt like we connected somehow. I want to be her friend so badly. I want to do more for her than bring her hot chocolate and tell her how handsome her son is. She is so very proud to show him off for the camera. It broke my heart to think how hard life is for this woman...for every woman here.

This has been an amazing week...it's also been an emotional one. I feel like my heart is broken into pieces on a regular basis. I love it here. I love the people, the culture...this place.

This week Aili and I went to visit the girls we visit at a "rehab", which is more like a detox lock down in a very rundown building. They don't actually rehabilitate anything. The conditions there are astounding to my Canadian eyes. The girls range in age from 12 to one in her 30's. Most of them have children waiting for them to get clean. Girls age 12 and 13....my heart aches.

One of my kids from Santa Fe came knocking at my door last night. He walked (about 12 years old) 5 miles, in the dark, in the drizzling rain to find us. I still dont' really know why other than he was hungry.

When I asked him why he came he just hid his face in his sweater and cried. I held him and cried too...having no idea what was weighing on my boys heart. All I could do was feed him a big meal, send a bag of food home with him, pray for him, and give him a ride back home to his worried siblings. My heart breaks again.

I can't refuse to contend with this suffering. This isn't charity ...it's people. I want it to hurt me, to break me, to wound me as I come face to precious face with it. Jesus bore more than fleas, lice, and inconvenience to contend with my sin. I know candy isn't the solution. I know we are just a drop in the bucket...but it was great to wrap my arms around a cold little barefoot child, give them a gift ,and spread some of the love and mercy that I've so generously received.

Christmas Toy bags

2011-12-17T15:32:00.003-06:00

We are renting a house from a small ministry here in town. They have 8 people working and 5 of them are new to EFF, including the directors. Most of them have been here in Baja for years though. It is a really incredible thing to be a part of. We thank God for opening this opportunity for us. We brought a bag full of small toys and a few other trinkets and cloth bags along with us. We were thrilled to be able to join what we had up with this ministries outreach project. The kids and Judy put together a couple hundred gift bags for boys, girls, teens, and women. It was so nice for them to be involved. We are enjoying this new ministry's humility, and grassroots smallness.

Silas helping to make little note paper booklets out of donated scrap paper and loose leaf.

Now for the fun part!

Our small group drove to a small impoverished community about half an hour away to throw a little Christmas party.

Our co-conspirator Amber and her son, who didn't find the rowdy big boys at the party much fun.

The neighbor dog didn't appreciate the part much either.

Cold little dirty feet.

So sweet.

We met in a little church in the community. It was really quite a nice little place.

We did a little drama to a Spanish Christmas song. "Alabanza el Rey". No nativity is complete without Samurai Gabriel and the Christmas panda.

At the end of our Christmas caroling time and drama came the gift bags.

and hot chocolate and homemade muffins (courtesy of the director Judy).

The checkered gift bags were made by some little 4-H friends of Aili's.

Without being asked, Roman started gathering up all the empty cups. I love seeing evidence of a servant heart, even in an 8 year old boy.

I love these people!

The older siblings take such good care of the little ones.

Amber's hubster sweeping up our mess.

What life looks like

2011-12-15T23:07:00.003-06:00

This is just a quick glimpse at life here in Baja. Cece walking down the street in front of our house.

These are our neighbor chickens that occasionally sneak into our fence only to be chased around our yard by the neighbor boy with my own children following close behind.

I know I will miss the sounds here once we leave. As I hung my laundry this morning (it has to be hung by 10am or it won't dry before the dew starts to fall at 3.30pm) I took note of the mixture of sounds around me. The barking dogs that roam every street and inhabit every yard. A Spanish love song being played loudly from a house somewhere out of sight. The loudspeaker attached to the top of a car blasting advertisements as it slowly drives up and down each street. The constant crowing of roosters. It is a myth that they only crow at dawn. They also crow all night and day. I don't really mind it although at night I sometimes wake up thinking I hear a baby crying or a child calling only to realize that it's only a rooster.

We had a couple days of rain this week. Rain here means not much gets done. We spent two days indoors huddled under blankets watching movies and playing games. The streets turn into muddy lakes and everything indoors feels damp.

I was very glad to see the sun again and to be able to wash some of our dirty clothes. I didn't bring very many clothes and we wear a lot of layers here to keep warm. We were on our last set of clothes. It seems strange to say we're cold in Mexico but December is the coldest month here. Its a humid, windy, cold and the houses stay very chilly. It gets down to freezing some nights. To me it feels like October in Canada. Still, it beats December in Canada!

These are our friends and neighbors here. I've linked her blog here before but i'll do it again. She is as genuine as she is on her blog. We are having a lot of fun hanging out with them. She is a crafty, creative type and made these wreaths to sell at the local market. They are a God trusting, faith living family. They are the real deal. You can find her blog here. This family also used to work at the same orphanage down the street where we served. God is doing a new work through them in a new ministry and we are excited to see what God is going to do through them. We are really blessed to be able to be tag along and witness this fresh new ministry. It's refreshing.

Speaking of the local market...here we are at "globos". Every Tuesday blocks of the town are turned into a giant flea market. Although I don't find the term "flea" anything very amusing... I'm pretty sure Pulgas are from the devil. Tiny little demon creatures sent to torture us.

Running into a friend at the market.

Globos "gap".

I suppose this table could be Globos Walmart. I always come home with bags of fresh produce.

One of our favorite things about living here is the food.

mmm....tortas carne asada...

A Beautiful Day

2011-12-15T22:09:00.000-06:00

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

I will point out that only us gringos are loco enough to go to the beach in December with 8 kids when it's 50 degrees F outside.

We got everyone home alive, ran 8 kids through a shower ( a treat for kids with no running water), I found clean clothes for everyone, and served up bowls of hot hamburger soup.

We watched Nanny Mcphee and played games.

At supper time we all went out for tacos at our favorite taco place.

For most of us the day seems like nothing very special but for kids who only get meat at Christmas, have never seen hot water running out of a faucet, or been taken out for their own torta asada...it was pretty fun. It was so much fun just to watch them enjoy themselves and to let them be kids for a day.

We've been busy this week with quite a few different activities in some surrounding communities. I have loads of pictures and stories to share but not so much internet time to share them. Stay tuned.

Our Kids from Santa Fe

2011-12-10T11:36:00.001-06:00

If you have been reading this blog for ages you may remember me writing about the kids that call me Tia the last time we were in Mexico. Most likely you have no idea what “Tia” means or if you do you might wonder why on earth kids that bear no relation to me would call me that. Long story short. We adopted these kids as our honorary family 2 years ago…our nieces and nephews. A couple years ago the two oldest found themselves interned at a local orphanage while we were on staff. We began a friendship with them and started sponsoring one of them…and by custom that sponsorship gave us the title of Tia and tio (Auntie and Uncle). We decided that “Tio and Tia” should be more than just a formal title granted to those who write a check….we would act like a true Auntie and Uncle to these two children in need of a lot of love. Where we went, they came along. 2 Christmases ago they were unexpectedly returned home and left the orphanage. We were worried, saddened and determined to find them again. Fortunately they weren’t living very far away. We found them… and the situation in which they were living devastated us. Our two neices and nephews became 5 as we met their younger siblings and instantly became “Tia and Tio” to them as well.

In the next few months before we returned to Canada we made sure that they had an actual house to live in (which God so faithfully provided), we enrolled them in school for the first time (at ages 11 and 13) and made sure they that they had school uniforms. Beyond trying to make sure that some basic physical and educational needs were met before we left we assured them that we would always be “Tia” and “Tio”. I think that meant more to them than any bag of groceries or new house. They were lonely and drifting down a stream of endless poverty. They desperately needed to know someone cared. They needed to know that God cares about the little messy haired, shoeless child shivering in a cardboard shack. We loved on them….and then left for Canada. They doubted that we would keep our promise.

For the last 2 years I have worried about them, prayed for them and longed to wrap my arms around them again.

It’s so strange to be witnessing poverty all around us but yet it isn’t just some nameless face on television…it’s my kids…and there are children like them all over the place.

How to fit 11 people in a Ford Expedition...fold down the seats and pack 'em in.

Icecream at the park

{first time on a swing...was laughing, loving it, and terrified at the same time}

I don’t know how snuggling up with 6 Triqui kids on my couch watching “Happy Feet” can reverse any of these cycles. I don’t know if any of it will be enough to stop them from drifting further into a life of desperation but if all I can do is stubbornly stand in the middle of that swift stream and hold onto them for dear life then that’s what I’ll do. Maybe years from now, the memory that someone loved them enough to leave home and come to them during a time when childhood plodded along promising nothing but more broken hearts, cold nights, and hungry days, will spur them on to reach for life and focus their eyes beyond the dust.

Why these kids? Why 6 little brown children 3000 miles from home? Why us?
I have no idea. I trust that the Lord knows and brought them into our lives for a purpose.
A heart transformed by God’s grace is the only thing that can truly satisfy ,whether hungry or well fed. I can show them the bread of life, along with the bags of groceries that I bring them, in hopes that once we are gone they will cling to their Father, who is a perfect father to the fatherless.

I'm a real boy

2011-12-08T22:32:00.001-06:00

"I'm a real boy"...said in the little Pinocchio voice off of Shrek.

Last weekend we took Silas to a local Estetica shop and got sheered. He's been begging for a "cool boy" hair cut that he can spike up. He hasn't had his hair this short since he was a baby...but we really like it!

He has ears and eyes again!

Smile Silas...

or maybe don't.

Loving life in Baja

2011-12-08T21:09:00.001-06:00

I haven't been able to share as much with you about our time in Baja Mexico as I would like to but here is a quick peak. I'll have lots of stories once I get home and have convenient internet access again. Right now I'm sitting in my favorite internet cafe with my friend Amber sipping chai tea lattes while we both catch up on our internet/ blogs. We're good multi-taskers that way...we can verbally solve the world's problems and type about the mundane details of our lives at the same time.

We have been at our little rental house in the San Quintin Valley of North Baja, Mexico for a week now and we are loving it here...well other than the flea bites which both Aili and I are suffering from. Some people react with itchy welts and some people don't. The sand fleas are unavoidable for the most part....especially if you leave your house. Poor Aili has 31 bites on just the lower half of her body. I'm a hygiene and cleaning freak (think slightly OCD) whenever we're in Mexico but they still found their way into our clothes and house somehow...

anyway...

that's my only whine.

We love life here. Nathanael has been busy helping out a couple different friends with some building projects and other random things (today he took Roman with him to do construction work). I've mostly been hanging out with the kids, visiting with the ministry and our friends next door, and keeping up with the house and laundry.

The kids have put a small dent in their "Icecream for Orphans fund". One day they bought "despensas" for their friends who we noticed had no food (or drinking water) in their house other than one small bag of pinto beans on a shelf. They bought a bag of luxury type foods (anything other than beans and tortillas is a luxury for many people). They also bought them a large water jug that they can get re-filled at a local store with purified water for quite cheap (that is how we get our drinking water too). Another little project was buying new light bulbs and a locking door knob for the same kids. Such basic simple things that people go without here.

We certainly haven't been deprived by our living conditions. We didn't know what to expect when we arrived. We had seen a photo of the outside of the little house but really didn't think it would be this cute. We even had a little Christmas tree set up when we arrived. Life here is different though. We are getting re-accustomed to not flushing our toilet paper, not drinking the tap water, and wearing our shoes in the house (actually it's so chilly that often I wear my coat in the house too). We don't use or have a clothes dryer, bathtub or dishwasher. Life here is simple...and yet complicated because we still have so much more than many people do.

We are only here for a month but our desire is to use this little house to bless others, and to be a place of simple hospitality. A nutritious meal for hungry tummies, a cup of coffee for a friend, and genuine relationships. Those things were really hard to do with a trailer on the last couple trips down. This house has been such a blessing to us already.

My clothes dryer.

Our little yard.

Soaking up each beautiful day.

Back in Baja (and a bit of Disneyland)

2011-12-02T13:14:00.001-06:00

On Tuesday we woke up bright and early and instead of packing ourselves back into the car at an ungodly hour we hung around the hotel until the gates opened at California Adventures. We spent the next 11 hours walking, riding and playing. It was a really fun day.

Roman took his frolicing to a whole new level...even after 11 hours, when the rest of us stumbled our tired feet back to the hotel, Roman was still skipping happily beside us. Silas was a little overwhelmed at first but soon warmed up to the sensory overload and had a lot of fun. Over all he has handled the trip really well. Although we are all very relieved to be able to put down roots for a month after 5 days of hotel hopping.

On Wednesday morning we drove south and crossed over into Mexico. On our way down we stopped at one of our favorite little stores to buy homemade cheese, tortillas and dried mangoes.

We arrived at our little town and saw our house for the first time on Wednesday late in the afternoon. Even though we are living in a different place and not at the orphanage it still feels like home. We are in the same area of the same town and have been doing a lot of visiting. We went out for tacos with some friends but then crashed by 7pm...all of us sound asleep.

On Thursday we unpacked our bags, set up our house, and visited our kids in Santa Fe. If the video works you can see our visit. Nathanael knocked on the door and when they hollered "who's there?" (in Spanish) he replied "Tio". They all shrieked and came running out. We are hoping to have these 6 kids over for the day tomorrow ...the benefit of having a house of our own. We also spent a couple hours visiting all our friends and the kids at the orphanage that is only a couple blocks away. It was great to see our old home again and all the people that we've missed.

Can't wait to spoil these little girls a bit!

As Seen on TV (Pawn Stars) - Baja bound day 3

2011-11-28T21:43:00.001-06:00

Today started bright and early once again. We were on the road before our continental breakfast was served so we did McDonald's oatmeal in the car. My kids aren't a fan of anything greesey, eggy or sausagey. ...which eliminates most of the breakfast menu.

We made it to Las Vegas at 8am local time and had gained another hour. The kids have been begging to go see the "Pawn Stars" shop. They like to watch that show with their Dad in the evenings once in a while. I suppose it appeals to the junk collector/ treasure hunter in them.

I wasn't so sure that going to a sceevy area of Las Vegas to a pawn shop was a great idea for a wholesome family outing. I was outnumbered and complied...slightly grudgingly.

It turns out that it will probably be a favorite memory of this trip for the kids.

Today was a good training day for our country bumpkin kids. Street smart they are not...especially when very sleep deprived and overflowing with a desire to skip, jump and generally frolic like little calves released to pasture. My full time job in any city has been to keep my boys from wandering unwittingly into the busy streets.

Waiting for the pawn shop to open.

"Look, I see Chumly!"

We really weren't dressed to impress today after 3 days of travelling with one suitcase (the rest of the luggage is packed away until Mexico). In fact Aili was wearing her pajama sweat shirt that morning. We were looking quite homeschool-a-rific. It's a good thing we don't really care. We embrace weird...after all 4 kids that adore each other and love spending time with mom and dad is about as weird as it gets.

Some sort of fridge I think.

Looking at the sword display at the pawn shop.

At 9:30 am we ate lunch...which may sound strange unless you consider that our bodies are still feeling 2 hours ahead and we had eaten breakfast 4 hours earlier. It was $1 burgers at Jack n the box all around (except for Cece who doesn't really eat anything at all...total toddler.)

We spent the next few hours driving across the Mojave Dessert and arrived in Anaheim California at about 3pm.

We arrived in plenty of time to take the kids for a splash in the teeny hotel swimming pool.

It was just what they needed after 3 days in the car!

We have a nice little suite at La Quinta Inns a block or so away from Disney....and right across the street from the cheese cake factory.

We had planned to visit a grocery store to find a healthier supper but once we were parked no one wanted to drive to find one. We've never eaten at the Cheese Cake Factory before. It was good...but after all the eating out I am so full of sodium I feel like i'm being preserved.

Mmm. Fish tacos.

A beautiful evening in Anaheim California.

Tomorrows destination...California Adventures.

Fingers crossed that Cece sleeps past 3am!! Between the 2 hour time switch and all poor nights sleep/ crazy early mornings....I'm feeling a bit travel weary. I'm hoping we all can wake up refreshed tomorrow! My kids are just not very bright when they are sleep deprived....like skip into the street or lean over the edge of a high balcony dangerous dumb (brains shut off and bodies go into overdrive).

Everyone is looking forward to our family play day tomorrow!

Baja Bound '11 - Day 2 Cedar City

2011-11-27T20:16:00.001-06:00

(the ridiculously early morning caught up to him eventually)

Our day began very very early this morning. Between the one hour time difference and a couple kids who are early risers...we were on the road at about 3am. No joke.

Silas crawled in bed with me at 2am..wriggling, and fidgeting until Cece woke up screaming in terror at 3am. Since no one was sleeping anyhow we all jumped out of bed eager to start the day.

That makes for a really LONG morning...but we made good time and arrived at our destination ,Cedar City Utah, mid afternoon instead of at bedtime. We were on the road for about 12 hours and ready to get out of this car!....as much fun as it looks...

The 3 oldest are actually all great travelers, they entertain themselves quite easily, Cece on the other hand isn't a huge fan of a long day in the car seat. It is a lot to ask of a one year old so she has been quite the trooper over all.

So far there has been no kid bickering, no Dad tantrums, no vomiting, no explosive toddler diapers, and no children left at the side of the road...a road trip success.

Just past Salt Lake City a horrible racket suddenly came from the back of our car. It sounded like our tires were falling off or something dreadful. We pulled over next to a Del Taco and upon further investigation discovered that the problem is with the back fan. We suspect one of Romans little toys fell down between the ledge and the window and is clanging in the fan. We'll have to get that fixed or he'll cook back in his little boy cave.

Since we were parked we decided it was lunch time anyway. The kids had a good play at Del Taco Funland. The tacos weren't nearly as fun. To quote Roman "This doesn't really taste like Mexican food".

Our next pit stop was Beaver Utah where we let the kids out to play next the Flying J.

After being cooped up for several hours it really doesn't take much. In fact I'm not sure what Roman is showing me, I was too busy snapping the picture to notice. I'm assuming it's a rectangular rock. Roman, let's not pick up random objects found in the shrubbery at gas stations.

Oh look, a giant culvert! Who needs Disneyland?

An hour or so later we arrived in Cedar City. We had some time to kill so we found a perfect playground for the kids to run off some energy.

It really wasn't warm enough for a t-shirt and flip flops but this summer loving boy didn't see any snow.

Tomorrow we find summer!

{and quite possibly a hair cut for this boy too!}

After egg McMuffins for breakfast, greasy tacos for lunch and a bunch of salty crackers along the way....we opted for Wendy's salads (Baja salad) for supper. It was our most expensive meal at $26 but it was really good. I just couldn't do the 99 cent cheese burgers again. We still have 3 days of eating cheap/ fast food.

At the moment the kids are sleeping, the hubster is flipping channels and I'm journaling our trip. I totally realize that most people on this planet don't give a rats hiney what we ate for supper...but it's fun for us to look back on these trips. For those of you who don't succumb to mind numbing boredom and leave, thanks for joining us on our little family adventure.

Tomorrow our destination is Anaheim California. It will be a somewhat shorter day which will be nice. We will have time tomorrow to enjoy the hotel pool, and do some sight seeing.

I'm very thrilled to be out of winter weather! Tomorrow's Anaheim forcast is 85 degrees F! Happy me.

Baja Bound '11 - Day 1

2011-11-26T19:42:00.001-06:00

The kids are quiet in their beds (although some are still whispering and making burping noises) so I thought I'd take advantage of the Wi-fi. We pulled into Butte Montana at about supper time today after 10 hours of driving. The first leg of the journey went well over all. The winter driving conditions were good...for winter. The scenery driving down #15 was beautiful.

We spent the whole day in the car, with only 3 quick stops for gas and potty breaks. That must be a new record for us! Cece did let us know how annoyed she was with the situation at regular intervals.

We went through a lot of crackers, puffed wheat, gummy bears, and cheese sticks. Our survival kit consisted of DVD's, a DSI, and a bunch of little toddler trinkets. Last night I packed a little cooler bag with breakfast food and some pulled pork wraps to eat for lunch on the road. Tomorrow and the next day our meals will consist of fast food drive through.

{yes, this boy got a major hair cut...bye bye shoulder length hair}

After we dumped off our bags at the hotel, we dined at Wendys. A lovely little old lady saw our dishelved, static haired freak show walk in the door and offered us her coupons. Two for the price of one cheeseburgers. With 6 mouths to feed free food is always welcome!

We are staying at the Finlen Hotel in Butte, MN. It's a really old historic hotel and is pretty cool. It has a lot of character. When I booked it a couple weeks ago I was looking for a reasonable priced hotel ($85 for a suite) that had room for a family of six (not as easy as one might think). The suite is two rooms joined by an open door each with 1 queen bed. We added a cot and Cece's porta bed and we've got a good set up. Cece was so exhausted after a day of traveling/ shrieking and not napping that she crashed and didn't make a peep...we'll see how long that lasts. I expect we'll get an early start tomorrow morning which is ok because we have to make it to Cedar City, Utah by bedtime.

{I'm pretty sure if I push these buttons in just the right order we will be in liquid sugar paradise}

Good night, sleep tight,

....I sure hope the bedbugs don't bite!

Ice Cream for Orphans project

2011-11-24T07:26:00.001-06:00

I thought I'd do a quick update before we leave on our road trip to Mexico. A while back I posted pictures of my kids collecting cans and bottles and told you about their idea to raise money. The original goal was to save up $100 to take each of the kids at a particular orphanage out for ice cream over the course of the month we are in Mexico plus buy some other things to take to them.

They began saving, collecting and working really hard. Our plans changed a little and we found out we won't be working as staff at the orphanage, and because of that we won't be able to take the kids out for treats. It was disappointing for my kids but they didn't let that set back derail their hope. We changed the project to "Burlando kids compassion fund". We prayed and talked about other ways we could use the money. There is no limit to the possibilities.
The kids effort was matched with generosity from many unexpected places. Friends and family chipped in. Our new church family has been incredibly encouraging and generous.

The grand total of our kids compassion fund is over $700!! When Aili and Roman first had the idea $100 seemed like a really big goal!

I decided to revert back to "Ice cream for Orphans" on this post ~~just to thoroughly confuse you all~~ because to me it paints a bigger pictures. At first, when our trip plans changed, it didn't seem to cover all of what we hoped to do with the money...it was too specific. The more I think about it the more I like it.

We were all orphans in a sense, separated and alone, far from the Father who longs for us. In His great love he has not only come to us and adopted us into fullness of relationship, he has not only provided what we need....he gives us ice cream. He delights in giving his children good gifts and smiles as he watches us bask in his love. He is the giver of all things good...and sweet and lovely. Maybe I'm stretching it...but I still like the concept of Ice cream for Orphans.

We want to show that kind of love to others...whether they are technically "orphans" or not. We will be living in an area that is loaded with physical, emotional and spiritual desperation and need. We want to give people a sweet taste of how much they are loved. We want to paint a picture of the joy and affection that a Daddy has for his child when he sits and eats ice cream with him.

I know this is going to be a very growing experience for my 3 oldest children. I know it is going to be a stretching experience for all of us. It has sparked a lot of family conversations about compassion, generosity, humility, stewarding God's money wisely, and prayerfully following the Holy Spirits lead. What started as fun little side project for our kids has turned into a whole family mission. We have some ideas of how we can use some of the money, but for the most part we are trusting that God will show us what needs he would have us meet when we come face to face with them.

We are looking forward to keeping you updated on this project while we're away.

Besides the donations of money and cans/ bottles, we have a car top carrier loaded full of warm blankets that have been donated.

We feel the weight of responsibility and the privilege we have in stewarding these gifts well. I'm looking forward to documenting and photographing the kids at work...and reporting back to all those who have joined us in this.

I'm praying that this will be an amazing, life altering experience for our kids.

Lord, my children are yours.
Help me to raise them with hearts that have been transformed and filled with you.
Give me your strength and wisdom every day.
May my little ones truly know, to the depth of their spirits, the you are faithful,
even if that means you take them through experiences that strips everything else away.
Lord I don't aspire that they be successful in the worlds eyes,
perform to impress, or that they live safe and happy lives.
Make them strong in your strength.
Make them wise in your wisdom.
Create in them men and woman after your heart.
Use them for you glory.
You hands, voice, and heart in a hurting world.
Bless them with real blessings.
The greater joy that can only be found
in the places few people are willing to look.

Other than the things I was whining about yesterday (like our broken down car and sicky baby) I have a prayer request as we prepare to go. Could you please pray for our youngest son to be able to process and cope with this 6 wk change in location and routine. He does not handle change, or perceived instability well at all. We're still trying to figure this little guy out and why he reacts to life the way he does, but we are learning that some things really do set him off in a tail spin. He's been so much improved the last couple months, it's been so encouraging to see, maybe just our schedule slowing down and Daddy being home more...but I am a little worried about what the uprooting will do to him (and what he'll do to us). Please pray that we'll have the wisdom to know how to help calm his anxiety, and maybe even head off the turmoil before it starts. As of this morning (as we begin to load up our car), he is already showing signs of apprehension. It's mostly coming out as extreme emotions over very small things, ridiculous obsessions, and a very sudden neediness/ insecurity....it's makes me a little nervous. It is SO hard to have patience when he gets like this (it makes me crazy), but I know that the only thing that will help is a whole lot of extra time, reassurance, snuggles and consistency from mom and dad (things that I selfishly don't feel like making time for right now).

Only a couple more days!!

2011-11-23T15:00:00.006-06:00

In a couple more days we'll all be packed into our SUV and driving south! Right now my house is a disaster (I'm going to clean my way out the door so basically I have no ambition to do it now), there are suitcases, bags and piles all over my living room floor mixed with strewn about normal living room mess and toddler toys. Our car is still broken. We are waiting on another alternator (the second one) and still aren't convinced that this will solve the problem. It should arrive the day before we leave. Nothing like last minute car repairs.
We are also fighting colds and poor Celina has had a fever and cough for nearly a week. I have a drs. appointment made for her before we leave as well. She has not been sleeping well at all...and I'll stop whining now. A week from today I'll be eating supper at a taco stand. mmm..happy.

If you think of us could you please pray that we can make it to the highway?

I have hardly had time to feel excited lately. I know once we hit the road the reality that we're going back to Mexico after nearly 2 years of being away will sink in. Right now I'm just trying to keep our heads above water long enough to pull out of the driveway.

I really should be hitting my long to-do list but my ambition has waned.

The distraction factor for me has been high this week (which is why my to-do list is so neglected). We've had all kinds of family (the one I married into) situations swirling around us for the last several days....and for the first time ever it's actually good drama. Progress. God is doing an unbelievable work in the brokenness. Healing what has been broken for nearly 4 decades, and can be traced back generations. The devastation is finally being dealt with. It's so freeing. God is faithful and has answered so many specific agonizing prayers for reconciliation and restoration. It's been a long hard road to get to this point! I can't go into details obviously, but the last 3 years of our life have been filled with a lot of grief and division. God has taught us so much through it all though and has been SO faithful. I haven't talked about any of it here but it has inspired a lot of "when life gets ugly" , "grace", and "forgiveness" musings that I've written about over the past years. We are just so thankful that God sees the oppressed, that he frees those who are enslaved to darkness, and that nothing is beyond his redemption and grace.

This family tree filled with generations of depravity and wickedness can have a new legacy in Christ. We are being rooted up and made something new. God has not abandoned us. I think I've linked this song before but it really is a good reminder to us. We can't cover our own wretched condition with pretty masks and religious moralism. It may fool people for a while but it isn't regeneration. It's like stapling fruit onto a dead tree...it may look real for a moment but eventually that will just fall of and die too. Until we're pulled up at the roots, until we come in repentance before God realizing that we cannot make ourselves ,by sheer force of will ....good, or new, or righteous, or holy we will be that dead tree. We can't pridefully hold onto our sin. We need to kill it. Only Jesus has the power to smash those chains. We need to be dug up and grafted onto the one who gives life. Abide in Him.

This band leads the worship at my sister in law's church in Seattle. What an amazing story God is writing in her life. He has turned mourning into dancing. Devastation into victory. Beauty out of suffering. All I can do is stand back and watch in awe.

I'm Second Place!

2011-11-21T09:06:00.001-06:00

I have have been honored with a second place ribbon this morning.

My very sweet and sensible 4 year old son presented me with a big hug and said

"Mommy I love you, this is for you.

You are the second best mommy in the whole world"

I suppose , given the number of moms in the world, second place is quite an achievement! It's good to know there's always room for improvement and I think that the pressure of maintaining number one would be just too much for me.

Maybe if I ditch the pink bathrobe and start baking more cookies I will make 1st place next year!!

When I ever so humbly asked why I didn't get first place he shrugged and answered

"because that was the only ribbon I could find under Aili's bed"

Look out mom number one...you're going down.

It Seems So far Away

2011-11-20T20:44:00.001-06:00

For the most part I don't think about it. I don't obsess or fret or worry about it
but at the moment I'm tired of waiting for it.
I'm tired of feeling like I should introduce her as our "foster daughter", when in every practical and emotional sense she is our daughter. We have committed to her and will love her until the day we die. We are the only parents she has ever known but still she is not actually ours.

As I spent hours today rocking my sick baby and stroking her soft hair away from her fevered forehead I wondered when Social Services would stop making me a liar. She calls me momma. I call her my precious baby. I tell her how much she is adored. She is absolutely secure in that love. Not a doubt in her mind. Not a fear in her heart. I never want to betray that confidence.

I wish this process would speed up and we could stop being fakers...because we're not faking. She is our daughter. I just wish I could introduce her to you as our daughter, and not feel like I'm being slightly untruthful.

She will be adopted by someone. We have applied to adopt her. We just have no idea how long the paper trail waiting game will last.

At least we have had her with us for the last 19 months while we wait. For that I am grateful.
In this moment of weakness I am tired of waiting. I am not patient. I want it on paper. I want to go to court and put on paper what is in our hearts...and then I want to do it all over again.

Warm Fuzzies?

2011-11-18T09:20:00.001-06:00

Everyone knows that giving feels good right? At least, that's what we're all told.

Most of the time it's true. There is a "high" involved in doing a good deed or giving to the poor. We can feel like a functional savior in someones life. We can appease the conscience inside us that knows we can't overlook suffering. The truth is we need to give...as Christians, we are commanded to.

However, when you stick around a while, when the drive by missionaries go home, it feels different. It gets more complicated.
When you've given money to someone so they can buy medicine for their child and you see them take the money to buy something much less needed and noble with it,
when you buy someone a tarp for their leaky roof (because they were begging for it) and you see them selling it on the street corner,
when you see masses of little hands out, and little mouths shouting for more,
when you build someone a house and they steal your tools....the feeling changes.

At this point many people become disillusioned and go home vowing to only help themselves and no one else.
It can be very hard to know what to do because the need is still there. The suffering hasn't gone away. The lost are still lost.
We CAN'T ignore it.

We come face to face with the reality that this world is broken in a way that can't be fixed with charity, bubbles, mass shallow "conversions", and lolly pops.

I was reminded of this reality and those exact feelings today as I read a post from a friend living in Mexico. The friends that we will be living next to and working with ( and by "working with" I mean following them around like little missionary wanna-be apprentices ).

Check out her post here "Because Love is a Lifestyle"

http://saulyamber.com/2011/11/17/sometimes-i-hide/#comment-826

As we load up our own SUV with extra blankets, toys, and kids clothes and head for the border I am reminded once again that giving can be complicated. We can't roll in like Santa with a loaded sleigh. What difference can we make in just one month?

I'm not saying we should never give things, money, food, blankets to those who need it, or would be encouraged by it...but I'm saying that it's not always easy. It takes prayer, wisdom, and some knowledge of culture and what the underlying needs are. It takes some trial and error and getting it wrong (which we have most certainly done over the years!).

Here's the reality of it...
Giving doesn't always feel good.
Loving doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy.
Money alone doesn't fix anything.

Can we love the hand the slaps us? ...or invest in the person who seems hopeless?

In fact, shouldn't we expect true love to feel like a whip on our back, the splinters of a cross on our shoulder, and nails through our hands?
So why is it that we expect giving, loving, serving to feel like rainbows and butterflies?

I want warm fuzzies, applause, and recognition. I want to demand gratitude and I want to see change. I am a sinner filled with selfish motives. That complicates my generosity.

When the candy runs out, when the rich Gringas purse is empty, what do I have to give?
The answer is...nothing...but also everything.
I know the One who desires to give them exactly what they desperately need. All satisfying, soul freeing, eyes lifting, purpose giving, Spirit filling, adoption as sons and daughters. True regeneration.

What does it look like to love the unlovable?
What does bringing the Kingdom look like beyond the bags of candy, toys, and clothes? All I can do is look to the example and the commands of the One I follow. It probably looks more like joining them in their suffering. Something I know very little about.

It probably looks like the young American woman I know who has given the last few years of her life to pouring love into the "least of these" and wrapping her arms around the children that even most "missionaries" don't want to touch. It looks like trading youth filled aspirations of college, parties, comfort and family.....for chronic head lice and flea bites.

Jesus gave people himself...not just some of his left overs.

He looked into the eyes of the cast outs and gave them dignity.
He gave them hope that THIS is NOT all there is.
THIS parasitic filth,
this drug addicted neglected baby,
these hungry tummies,
these children without fathers,
this pain wracked disability,
these cycles of addiction,
those eyes filled with despair and hopelessness,
is not what we were created for.

Only the power of the blood pouring, tear stained, death conquering, rescue mission from Heaven GOSPEL will ever break those chains.

What that looks like in each act of service....I can't really say.

Sometimes that looks like a shoulder to cry on.
Maybe it looks like a little girls lice filled hair combed up into bows.
Maybe that looks like investing in a child's life for years,
or teaching a young boy by example what it looks like to live like a man of integrity.
Maybe it looks like an ice-cream cone given to a child who has never tasted ice-cream, or a warm blanket,
or a wheel chair to a man who needs mobility, or a fixed leaky roof....sometimes it looks like just showing up and trusting that the Holy Spirit is working and God has a plan beyond what we can see.

I am confident that anyone who sacrifices for someone, who loves/ forgives/ shows grace in a way that defies reasonable self preservation will tell you that there is no going back. It's the gospel lived out....and that gospel is the very reason I live. That feels amazing.

So as we prepare to go...
I'm not sure what to expect, what to feel, or what to anticipate.
I feel humble.
I feel joyful.
I feel hope filled.
I feel a little scared and unprepared.
I feel totally unworthy to bear His name...but at the same time completely secure.

Grace Collides

2011-11-17T10:47:00.001-06:00

There's freedom waiting in the sound, so let your walls fall to the ground.

We're here now.

Sparks will fly as GRACE collides with the dark inside of us so please don't fight this coming light.

Let this blood come cover us. His blood can cover us.

Generations torn apart by sin, riddled with deception, and enslaved to darkness

are no match for the cleansing power of Jesus.

The abscessed rot that has infected every branch, can be rooted out and replaced with new life.

I boldly trust in that power, and I anticipate miracles.

This is where the healing begins.

November in Saskatchewan

2011-11-16T13:43:00.001-06:00

Hunting Season is upon us.

People all around us are putting on stylish orange hats in a quest to fill their freezer's with meat.

We live in a part of the world that has a lot of deer and moose "big game".

My men went out on a very manly hunting venture a few mornings ago. It was the first time Roman was invited to tag along.

They didn't "scout" anything worth bringing home to momma (and momma is kind of glad for that). I'd prefer to fill our freezer with one of our neighbors cows or pigs..or even chickens.

I'm not a huge fan of wild meat.

This was one EXCITED little man...and the big one was pretty happy too.

Even though trudging through snow, tracking, and eventually shooting an animal isn't my cup of tea (I've never had the desire to even try it)...I do appreciate that my boys enjoy it and it's some great father/ son time together.

I don't have any objections to hunting whatsoever.... as long as it's done ethically, safely, legally and responsibly...it's just part of "living off the land" and knowing where our food comes from.

I'd prefer to stay indoors during the winter. It is COLD out there now. The first really cold winter weather of the season always feels worse than the same temp. later in the season. -10 degrees Celcius is miserable at the beginning of winter!

My husband did manage to shoot me (with the camera) in my own natural habitat.

Speaking of habititat...

check out what my kids made in the back yard!

It kept them busy for about 3 days!

p.s only 10 days left until our big trip!!

Not that I'm excited or anything.

Early Christmas and Packing up.

2011-11-12T08:30:00.001-06:00

The Christmas tree and decorations recently came out of storage...yes we have a marvelous fake tree. We live in the Prairie where real Christmas trees are expensive. Most of them look like the Charlie Brown tree, and tree farms are unheard of. After years of freezing our tooshies off digging through piles of pathetic , over priced, frozen solid, imported pine trees....we bought this one.

A perk is we can put it up in November! We love having our tree and Christmas lights up.

The reason we have it up SO early this year is because we decided to have our little taste of our home Christmas before we leave for Mexico (where pine trees are even harder to come by). We will be packing light so, other than a couple strands of lights, we won't be packing "Christmas" with us. Christmas will be different this year. In exchange for gifts wrapped under a tree, we will be taking gifts of food and blankets to people in need. I'm sure we'll find some creative ways to make our little house in Mexico look festive...Mexican style.

The kids love decorating the tree. They basically have free reign of the decorating process.

It made for some fun family memories.

You know what else is going to make some awesome family memories?

Our road trip down to Mexico!

Although I'm not really looking forward to 35 hours in a car with a 1 year old....I am looking forward to getting there!

I started packing this week and my bedroom is storage for all my sorting piles and luggage.

We have to pack pretty light considering the SUV space. Not crazy minimalist light but I don't want to take anything that is not intentional.

So far, I have packed 1 suitcase for the 5 day road trip to take into the hotel each night (this includes 5 peoples clothing, swimsuits, toiletries and our "medicine bag" (that can't freeze). The hubster gets his own duffle bag so he can pack himself last minute and not complain how I packed his clothes. We'll also be lugging in a portable bed (pack 'n play) each night. I hope those three items, plus four sleepy kids, is all we'll have to transport to and from hotel rooms each night.

I packed 1 plastic trunk tfor the rest of our personal items, some more clothes and sweaters for in Mexico (clothes pins, books, one dressy-ish outfit each for Church and Christmas Eve, shorts, reading material, summer shoes etc).

We'll also have a backpack to store our electronics (Nintendo ds, ipad, prortable dvd player, chargers, camera etc). And of course a little bag of tricks to keep to keep the little people entertained (some small toys, pencil crayons, a puzzle book, stickers etc.)

On the roof of our car we'll have a Thule filled with blankets and other donations. Rigged up to the trailer hitch on the back of our SUV we have a metal trunk that is already packed with gifts for our kid in Santa Fe. We packed backpacks for the 6 kids who call us Tia and Tio (Auntie and Uncle). We filled each bag with clothing, toys, school supplies, treats, and shoes. That trunk also holds a couple bags of clothes to share/donate, our umbrella stroller, and our Ergo baby carrier.

I was enjoying packing in peace and quiet once the kids were in bed.

The last few days we've had some sticky snow days (sticky snow days are rare here...it's rarely warm enough) and the kids have spent hours in the yard making igloos or whatever it is they are creating.

I'm totally ok with trading the winter boots for flip flops in a couple weeks.

Happy me.

Bold

2011-11-10T16:28:00.001-06:00

I have been reading the book of Acts the last few days and with each page I read I am faced with what it means to live boldly for Christ. No where among the apostles and the early church do I find apathy, complacency, or the insidious idolatry of people pleasing.

I can't help but contrast what it meant to be a follower of Jesus then and what it looks like now. So many churches/ pastors now spend their efforts keeping people happy, comfortable, and sedated with pleasant tasting lies rather than speaking bold truth, teaching, equipping and sending out. Most Christians are more concerned with what other people think of them, than they are with obedience to what God has called them to be.
"Boldness, a behavior born our of belief" is hard to come by in our modern Christian circles. Maybe it's because so many who claim Christ no longer actually believe. Many have no idea what truth is. Some don't think it matters much, as long as you sincerely believe whatever seems right to you. I think part of the problem in my generation is that so many who grew up going to church never actually witnessed, experienced, or learned who our great God is...Christianity was just one more religion, a form of "spirituality", or a club to belong to. There is no boldness in that kind of "faith". We have become sleepy fat wolf bait, rather than front line warriors with a mission to accomplish.

One theme that keeps coming out in the book of Acts is boldness. If you read the first 4 chapters you'll see that Peter was one bold dude.

Peter was the former pansy man who had great aspirations of courage but cowered before a little peasant girl. He denied Jesus three times out of fear. Later in Acts...once he KNEW without a doubt who Jesus was, and that he was alive, the Holy Spirit came to him and he was BOLD. Like really really bold. Fierce. That is quite a transformation. He even prayed for more boldness to preach when he had already been warned not to.

Bold obedience, a life lived radically serving, giving, discipling, loving... comes from time with Jesus, it cannot be manufactured by noble intentions.

What would happen if we lived that sort of life....how different would the Church be? How different would our world be? What if we actually dove into the richness of the gospel and used it as more than just a creed to believe to get saved only to be left behind for a life of churchy moralism? What if we actually joined together with our brothers and sisters into authentic relationships like they did in the early church? One purpose, one mission, one body. Am I crazy to wonder? I see it happening...like an awakening.

Peter, through the power of the Holy Spirit, healed a "man crippled from birth". Peter had no gold or silver to give him. He had no bread to feed him but he gave him something of lasting value....the name of Jesus. God chose to use that disabled man at that point in history, and he chose to use Peter to showcase his glory. Plenty of people were amazed, as one would expect....but Peter also got in a lot of trouble for his act of kindness toward the lame man. Peter and John were immediately seized and put in jail. The next day they were brought before "the rulers, and teachers of the law" for questioning. Peter responded fearlessly.

"Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them " Rulers and elders of the people! If we are being called to account today for an act of kindness shown to a cripple and are asked how he was healed, then know this, you and all people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazereth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. ...
...Salvation is found in no one else. for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.
When they saw the courage (boldness ESV) of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus" Acts 4:8-13 (NIV)

The religious rulers forbid them , under threat, not to speak the offensive name of Jesus. They did it anyway. Would we do the same? Or would we decide to use a different name so as not to make people uncomfortable.

I was listening to a sermon series recently by Craig Groeschel (www.lifechurch.tv) talking about boldness.

When you live in bold obedience to Jesus you will face opposition (paraphrased from Pastor Groeshcel).

As I think back over the last several years every time I took a major risk and did what I knew God wanted me to do (through obedience to scripture and prayer)...serving in Mexico, giving sacrificially, reaching out to love an estranged family member, becoming a foster parent, find a new church home....it has all been met with opposition to one degree or another. Sometimes very fierce opposition and sometimes just discouragement, disapproval from others or trials along the way. Even Peter was "called to account" for an act of kindness.

Just recently we were "called to account" ( punished/ opposed) specifically for an act of kindness that we were led by the Lord to do 2 years ago (building a house for a needy family).

It stung, but I began to realize that this is the way it is supposed to be. You can't read the Bible and not see it. You can't live a life of faith and not experience it. If you never face opposition, chances are you aren't living in any sort of bold obedience. I'm not talking about intentionally causing trouble, being a fool, or being called to account for your own sin but, like Peter who was doing the Lords work, being persecuted for obedience to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. So don't be surprised (if you decide to step out and do something crazy like caring for orphans, building a house for a needy family, or forgiving someone who seems unforgivable) when all hell breaks loose.

If all your works of benevolence and kindness do not stir up the armies of Satan against you....then you might not be all that much of a threat.

Don't let opposition or obstacles detour you!
"When you walk in obedience of God you shouldn't be surprised by the miracles of God."
Peter and John were no strangers to God showcasing his provision and power.

People who are living bold lives of obedience know that God shows up! He doesn't leave us alone.

That is where faith is stretched and grown!

When you let go, move beyond what you can calculate or see, take a risk, you are allowing God to do something in the situation that only He can do. Sometimes that takes you in a completely different direction than you had assumed. Often that takes you through some pretty gnarly stuff (totally dated myself there)....but when He reveals himself you will stand in awe...or kneel in humility when faced with His glory.

I am learning this as I go. Each time I chose to trust and obey, I am met with the glory of God's power, provision, and nearness. He reveals himself a little more. The relationship becomes that much sweeter and I will be that much bolder.

Safe "faith" and people pleasing complacency stunt growth.

God won't give you the details before he sends you out, or before you come face to face with a situation you never dreamed of....if he did you would probably run the other way. It will take faith.

He will give you only enough light for the next step but he won't leave you in the dark.

What seems like crucified dreams right now, may just be the beginning of a Resurrection.

Live boldly.

Speak boldly.

Pray boldly.

Love boldly.

First snow of the season

2011-11-06T11:26:00.001-06:00

We now have snow. Plenty of it.

Some of us are more excited that others.

We will see our green grass again in about 7 months. sigh.

At least the deep freeze hasn't hit yet.

We're stuck at home today, not because of the snow but because our car died as we were pulling out of the drive way on our way to church. Such is life. I guess we can call it a "snow day".

I 'm hoping whatever is wrong with our car is something that we can fix fairly quickly and inexpensively. It needs to be in good running order for our upcoming road trip!

"I just wish I was normal"

2011-11-04T12:52:00.000-06:00

"I wish I could read like other kids my age."
" I wish I didn't feel so crazy"
" Mom, what if I never learn to read? Will I be a Hobo?"

Parenting a child with "learning disabilities"...or multiple children (this stuff runs in families) can be tough. Homeschooling has been challenging , but I have no doubts in my mind that for one of my children in particular being forced into a conventional classroom would be devastating and destructive in the long run. It doesn't take long for a child to come to the conclusion "I'm the dumbest kid in the class" and become so depressed that he confides by the age of 7 his own suicidal thoughts. Kids know when they are "different" and "different" isn't looked at as valuable among peers or in institutional settings.

Home based education has provided the unique opportunity for us to pull out strengths and to plug away at the things that are a struggle...and to completely rework the way things are taught and the way assignments are completed. It is freedom. Although, I often feel highly under qualified and under resourced. We don't have a lot of options out here in the sticks. I quite frequently struggle with fears and doubt in my ability to bring my child to his potential.

I try not to let it show.

After all, my own child is smart...smart enough to notice that other kids tease him (this happens less now that we're not in school, but it still happens), that mom and dad get frustrated with him, that other kids can do things he can't, and that he feels somehow "different" but can't quite put his finger on why. He comes to the conclusion that he is "stupid".

I found this little cartoon on an ipad app. We watched it while eating supper one evening, without saying a word, giving an explanation, or offering any other suggestions to children who have never heard us say the word "dyslexia". My husband laughed and said "That was MY life!" (he and most, if not all, of his 5 siblings were diagnosed dyslexic to varying degrees.) A light bulb came on for my two oldest kids and I could see a look on my sons face that said "you mean I'm not the only one who feels that way?". Knowledge is power.

Dyslexia is a bit of an umbrella term that covers multiple differences and challenges in the brain. Problems with sequencing, working memory, processing, language, organization, symbol recognition etc....often they lead to trouble reading because those are the areas of the brain and skills that are used to read and spell. Those things can also effect many other areas of life as well. Surprisingly it can also effect math. Accurately, consistently recognizing the symbols, and sequencing calculations can be difficult...even if the math concepts come easily.

A few days after watching the cartoon about dyslexia my son, while holding back tears, asked me "do kids with "diplexia" ever get jobs, learn to read, or do anything with their life?".....break it to me now mom. What's the prognosis?

A google search came across this little video clip. I immediatley grabbed my son and told him to watch it. I read along with the photos of famous inventors, actors, businessmen and political leaders. A smile spread across his face...."you mean Albert Frankenstein was diplexic too?" "Thomas Edison?!...he was really smart!".

We discussed once again that he learns in different ways but that doesn't mean he is "dumb". In fact he is really smart. In some areas of his testing he scored "superior"..gifted. It's just all jumbled into his brain in a somewhat disorderly fashion.

I reminded him that he is going to have to work harder than other kids at some things, but also reminded him that God knew what he was doing when he created a passionate, creative, imaginative, intelligent little boy who is a really kick butt little gymnast and a budding musician. The things his mind comes up with, the concepts he understands, and the ways he sees the world are not a deficit, or a disability...they are a gift. A gift that may take a while to completely unwrap.

We found this App for the ipad and my son has been playing it for an hour. Major brain exercise! It works on skills of visual and auditory memory, sequencing, processing speed and other things that need a lot of extra help....and it's fun.

"Before, I felt like I was different from every single person in the world. I know everyone in the world is a little bit different but I felt WAY too different from everyone. I thought there was something really wrong with me. Now I know that I'm not the only one. Now that I watched those videos I feel like I can actually do something really great with my life. I'm glad I'm a bit different now. "

Stop playing with your food

2011-11-03T21:53:00.000-06:00

I find myself telling my boys to stop playing with their food nearly every meal. Particularly little Silas who would rather make stories out of his bisquits and soup than he would eat it.

The other day as my littlest son picked at his pasta noodles (his sauce is always separate) with his fingers and started to line them up on the table I found myself ,once again, scolding him for having his hands in his food. He sighed and looked up at me with a look of sullen disappointment and a hint of confusion. For a second my resolve to train him up into a child with manners more refined than a monkey's competed with my desire to watch him enjoy his own little world illustrated with sticky noodles. The noodles were fun to play with, and after he had played with each one it awkwardly made it's way into his mouth. After a moment of hesitation I reasserted my demand for something that resembled manners and reminded him that he had a fork. As I watched him gloomily force himself to eat I had an idea.

The next day, while the baby napped and I attempted to teach my two older children, I quickly boiled a tiny pot of spaghetti noodles. Much to his delight I served it up on a tray and told him to play with it.

He entertained himself for ages with the sticky stringy noodles. He made pictures. He made letters and attempts at words. He experimented with different ways of putting the noodles in his mouth. He wrapped up his action figures in spaghetti ropes.

There is a time and a place for everything....even playing with your food!

My oldest boy loves to cook and I have discovered I really enjoy cooking with him. I never expected that he would be the budding chef of the family.

My future daughter in law can thank me later.

By late afternoon all I want to do is send the kids into the basement to watch tv (and often that is what happens), or I bark at them to "Go play somewhere else!"..."get out of my kitchen!". I've been trying to make more of the regular mundane daily tasks like making dinner into something more meaningful. I have discovered lately that not only can the kids be a great help, it keeps them busy. Of course, I give them only age and skill appropriate tasks. Silas grated cheese for the cheesy biscuits. Roman peeled and chopped sweet potato.

As long as I'm not in a huge rush to get it done it's a great time for non formal learning time and spontaneous conversations. Roman helped me make a huge pot of something we named "Autumn soup". It seemed fitting. We made it with sausage, sweet potato, carrots, barley, onion, garlic, herbs in a tomato base (with a secret ingredient of pureed acorn squash).

It was yummy!...especially served with hot cheesy garlic whole wheat biscuits (which Silas helped me make).

I'm recapping today's dinner time so that I can remind myself later to just slow down and savor life a little more. I'm so far from a super woman it's not even funny. I need a constant reminder that, although my house may look like chaos and the clean laundry is heaped up on the couch, my most important job is to nourish my little ones well.

Happy Halloween is Over for Another Year Day!

2011-11-01T16:31:00.001-06:00

Another year of gluttonous gore is over with. My kids are still in sugar comas and I'm considering finding something else to do next year...maybe a fun family day in the city. I'm not opposed to costumes and walking around visiting the neighborhood of our teeny tiny little village...what I dislike is pretty much every thing else...children begging, junk food, mass consumerism/ commercialism, 5 rolls of toilet paper in my spruce trees and of course all the spiritual implications, practices and history attached to the "holiday". I'm a Halloween scrooge. I smile and give out candy...I take my kids out begging...but it's not my favorite.

I'm always glad when it's done...now to figure out what to do with all this candy! I've been letting my kids gorge themselves silly on it in an effort to have it gone sooner....but it seems to be bottomless. I've stashed away mini bags of chips for our 35 hour car ride to Baja, I have a grocery bag full of suckers to give away while we're there, and I have all the peanut candy stashed safely away (for the mommy and daddy to enjoy later...hehe). We made it through Halloween without needed an epi-pen intervention. That is a success in my book.

Yesterday we also chose to celebrate and learn about Reformation Day...the day Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses on a castle door and sparked a firestorm as well as a revival. I'm so thankful that we are saved by God's grace alone, through faith alone, and not by our own good works, efforts, indulgences, or religious rituals! We are so thankful for the priesthood of all believers and that Jesus is the only intercessor we will ever need.

"I more fear what is within me than what comes from without. "- Martin Luther

Such a great quote. It speaks well to my view of Halloween. We can hide ourselves away

in fear of all that our culture is...but in reality evil, darkness, pride, envy, bitterness lurks in

each of our own hearts and if not consistently repented of, cleansed and killed is uglier

than any spooky Halloween mask.

Our kitty (outside only) Rascal, his brother Jorge disappeared a few weeks ago. He's either out Tom catting or he's road kill. He was a nifty cat because he had a couple extra toes on each foot, which made for some very large cat feet.

A ninja, Darth vader, and Darth Buzz

And a thirsty pumpkin who apparently also likes cat food.

Darth patiently waiting for his Trick or treating buddy to arrive.

Heading out. We had wardrobe malfunction by the time we reached the end of the drive way. The Darth mask came off because it was "hurting him" and was replaced with a Buzz hat....which was rubbing his chin a few houses down the road. Nothing is simple with this boy! Ninja girl joined us for a few door knocks but then ran home to change into her last minute smurf costume so she could join a group of 5th grade smurfs. I guess conformity is a value in 5th grade.

Our costume ensemble was thrown together an hour before departure. Once the kids were done their school work for they day they all ran down to the dress up clothes bin and started digging. We have quite an array of hand me down costumes to choose from. My Halloween motto is "I'm not spending money on this occasion" (other than candy to pass out to door knockers) . We can be creative...or wear the same costume as last year as the case may be.

Just what every 1 year old needs. She thought the whole knocking on doors and being handed candy gig was fantastic!

Silas the garbage mouth in his glory.

Now I'm so glad it's November and I can start packing!! We are so very excited for our road trip adventure to Mexico! 26 more days! We are happy to be working with a different ministry this time and we are looking forward to see what God is doing in the San Quintin Valley! That is a LOT of exclamation marks! It should be a very positive change, although change is never easy at the time. God has something totally new for us I can't wait to see what that is. We had a sneak peak at the house we'll be renting today...makes it seem more real. I have a feeling that 1 month in Baja is going to go by WAY too fast.